IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. some people regard this as a completely wrong. while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learnig and taking responsiblity. what are your opinion.

The issue of whether
children
Use synonyms
 should be involved in paid employment remains a contentious topic across societies.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
child
Use synonyms
 labour exploits the young and deprives them of
education
Use synonyms
, others believe that part-time
work
Use synonyms
 can teach valuable life skills and a sense of responsibility. I contend that limited and well-regulated employment can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
, provided that their
education
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 and welfare are not compromised. On the one hand, opponents of
child
Use synonyms
 employment argue that it can easily lead to exploitation. In many developing countries,
children
Use synonyms
 are forced into physically demanding or unsafe jobs that not only endanger their health but
also
Linking Words
 deprive them of the opportunity to receive proper
education
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 practices can trap families in a cycle of poverty and undermine a nation’s long-term social development.
For example
Linking Words
, international organisations
such
Linking Words
 as UNICEF have repeatedly highlighted that
child
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 labour in factories or agriculture often results in lifelong psychological and physical harm.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
work
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 is appropriately managed, it can play a constructive role in a
child
Use synonyms
’s personal growth. Part-time or seasonal jobs—
such
Linking Words
 as helping in a family business or delivering newspapers—can help
children
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 develop discipline, time management, and financial literacy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, early exposure to
work
Use synonyms
 teaches them the value of effort and responsibility, skills that formal
education
Use synonyms
 alone cannot fully impart. In developed countries like Japan and the UK, teenagers often take summer jobs that complement, rather than replace, their schooling, fostering independence and maturity. In conclusion,
while
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 exploitative
child
Use synonyms
 labour should be strictly prohibited, limited and supervised
work
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 opportunities can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
’s personal and social development. Governments and parents should ensure that
such
Linking Words
 experiences remain educational and safe, balancing the importance of learning responsibility with the need to protect childhood.

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structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea and a clear link to the next paragraph.
content
Show the limits of work and give safe rules on how work can be good for a child.
cohesion
Use more easy linking words to tie parts of the text.
grammar
Keep sentences short and simple to aid clarity.
evidence
Use a small fact or data when you can to back a point.
strength
Clear view on the issue.
strength
Good use of examples like UNICEF and real places.
strength
Balanced talk that shows both sides and a fair end.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work
  • time
  • people
  • good
  • not
  • can
  • will
  • my
  • this
  • that
  • these
  • use
  • there
  • their
  • what
  • so
  • up
  • about
  • who
  • get
  • which
  • go
  • me
  • when
  • make
  • like
  • year
  • day
  • us
  • first
  • well
  • way
  • think
  • also
  • back
  • after
  • two
  • our
  • now
  • see
  • other
  • than
  • then
  • look
  • come
  • its
  • over
  • use
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