IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 innovative world, Students are able to get their hands on any information through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, so it is argued that schools are not an important factor
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 young
individual's
Check wording
individuals'
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education
Use synonyms
 anymore. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 concept; the reason will
throughly
Rephrase
apply
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be
explained
Rephrase
thoroughly explained
show examples
 as
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
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.
Yougsters
Correct your spelling
Youth
 need a coordinator to keep the seriousness of
education
Use synonyms
. and keep track of their activities.
In
Change preposition
At
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 a young
age
Punctuation problem
age,
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 they don't take studies as an essential part of their life,
this
Linking Words
 is a reason why a
teacher
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teacher's
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 role is critical to analyse
pupil's
Check wording
pupils'
show examples
 performances.
For example
Linking Words
, during online
education
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 COVID-19, most students started cheating
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and stopped taking their studies seriously, leading to
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
show examples
 knowledge of what was taught and lower grades after returning to school. Based on my personal experience, the lack of a mentor checking my activities, and high
dependance
Correct your spelling
dependence
 on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 led to my academic downfall.
Environment
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 is one of the most vital
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
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 for
education
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 and focus. A
person
Check wording
person's
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 productivity and motivation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 highly connected to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 place they settle. To follow up, a book called "
atomic habits
Fix capitalization
Atomic Habits
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" mentioned the importance of
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 on people's favourable habits and decisions;
moreover
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, educational
instuitions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 provide scholars with professional places surrounded by other students who are
also
Linking Words
 focused on studying, which will rarely be followed
in
Change preposition
at
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 home
while
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 a person is on their bed.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can't be the one and only source of
education
Use synonyms
,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
Correct article usage
the surrounding
show examples
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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 and
environment
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 set our motivation and improvement.
To sum up
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, for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
show examples
 of children's knowledge, studying at home should only be an additional practice to enhance their
education
Use synonyms
, as
availablity
Correct your spelling
availability
 of a coordinator and importance of a
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
environment
Use synonyms
 can not be denied.

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Development
Your view is clear and you give reasons to back it. To make the answer stronger, add more detail to each point with clear steps or steps of how schools help, and how home work could fail.
Structure
Organize with a clear plan: start with a short intro that states your view, then 2-3 body paragraphs with one main idea in each, and finish with a short conclusion that restates your view.
Language
Check spelling and grammar. Fix mistakes like 'Yougsters', 'throughly', 'instuitions', 'beacuse'. Use simple but correct sentences.
Language
Use linking words to connect ideas so the text flows well, like 'first', 'also', 'in addition', 'however', 'for example'.
Content
Clear stance against the idea of replacing schools
Content
Use of a real life example (COVID-19) to support points
Language
Some good use of connectors and flow in places

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
What to do next:
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