IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some societies, rural dwellers' migration to
cities
Use synonyms
 tends to be an increasing trend at the expense of the depopulation of villages. I assume
this
Linking Words
 trend is associated with imposing a latent cost on both governments and societies , and I will shed light on the two most important disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 transformation that affect nations negatively.
While
Linking Words
 rural inhabitants migrate to urban areas, some essential activities ,
such
Linking Words
 as agriculture , that depend on the rural workforce will face critical problems. Based on statistics , more than 70% of agriculture, both traditional and intensive ones, relied on rural labourers and with the depopulation of villages, the food industry will face with shortage
farm
Change preposition
of farm
show examples
 work.
This
Linking Words
 complex matter turns to either food shortage or governmental investment for training and engaging workforces from other districts. I believe
this
Linking Words
 imposes hidden costs on government and society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, excessive immigration to
cities
Use synonyms
 leads to overcrowding in these areas and leads to other critical problems for not only citizens but
also
Linking Words
 the government in some ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, an overcrowded city means changes are needed in infrastructure to meet overplanned demands; namely, habitat, transportation, health care, and other facilities that impose exaggerated payments to governments.
Secondly
Linking Words
, living in an overpopulated city with a fast-paced lifestyle style associated with stress and anxiety for individuals , and
this
Linking Words
 matter , alongside high levels of pollutants in overcrowded
cities
Use synonyms
 reported as the most significant factor in decreasing public health. In conclusion, increasing rural dwellers' immigration to urban areas is a harmful transformation that has the potential to impose a high level of unfair cost to the government through food shortage, training
un
Use the right word
an
show examples
 native farming workforce, providing unplanned demands originating from excessive immigration to
cities
Use synonyms
, and decreasing public health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Your view on the topic is clear, but the answer would be stronger with a short start and a clear end that restate your view.
coherence
Make the plan simple: one idea per paragraph and use easy links like and, but, so, also.
grammar
Some sentences are long and hard. Use shorter sentences.
content
Add a real example from life or news to back each point.
content
The topic is clear and you state a view to the topic.
structure
Two main ideas are shown: farming work and city crowding.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: