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Writing Samples
Band 8

The graph below shows the way in which men and women used the Internet in Canada in 2000.

The graph below shows the way in which men and women used the Internet in Canada in 2000.
The bar chart illustrates how
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 aged between 15 and 24 used the
Internet
Use synonyms
 in Canada in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, both genders used the
Internet
Use synonyms
 most commonly for sending emails,
while
Linking Words
 research and education were the least popular purposes.
Men
Use synonyms
 generally had higher usage rates than
women
Use synonyms
 in most activities, except for shopping online and chatting, where
women
Use synonyms
 were slightly more active. In detail, almost the same proportion of males and females used the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for email, with 71% and 70% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, a large difference can be seen in using the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for goods and services, as 71% of
men
Use synonyms
 did so compared to only 61% of
women
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 64% of males played games online, which was 6% higher than females. When it comes to social activities, 50% of
women
Use synonyms
 and 48% of
men
Use synonyms
 used chat rooms, showing a small advantage for females. Online shopping was
also
Linking Words
 more popular among
women
Use synonyms
 (38%) than
men
Use synonyms
 (28%).
In contrast
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 dominated in research and education, where 13% of them used the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 purpose,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
women
Use synonyms
 was only 9%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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