Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today, a lot of
schools
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prefer to make
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profit
Correct article usage
a profit
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by selling
junk
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food
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and sweet drinks during lunch breaks.
This
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is a negative development since it has a bad effect on their
students
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health
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and
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, and
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this
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essay will examine the reasons why we should be really concerned about
junk
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food
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and sweet drinks.
Firstly
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,
junk
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food
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and sweet drinks have bad effects on
students
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'
health
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. Because
,
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apply
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that will make the student become lazy, obese, anxious, slow recall, and probably
diabetes
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develop diabetes
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.
For example
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, many young people in my country aren't aware of their
health
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and
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, and
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they don’t have
energy
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the energy
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to do anything like
workout
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working out
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, they choose to stay in bed, because of the habit of eating
junk
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food
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in
schools
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.
Therefore
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, if
schools
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want to increase the performance of their
students
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and
make
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keep
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them
stay
Verb problem
apply
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fit, selling
junk
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food
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is not a good option.
Secondly
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, there is a way for
schools
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to
get
Verb problem
make
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more
profit
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by selling healthy
food
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.
Schools
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can sell healthier options of
food
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.
Check wording
options.
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For example
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, fruit, vegetables, juice, and salad. By doing
this
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,
schools
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can still
get
Verb problem
make
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a
profit
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while
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giving benefits to the student
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such
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, such
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as better immunity and good physical
health
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.
In addition
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,
schools
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can get more
profit
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when they have healthy
students
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, which means the student
health
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allocation will decrease. In conclusion, it is negative for
schools
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to make
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profit
Correct article usage
a profit
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from selling
junk
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food
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, because many
students
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will become
more lazy
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lazier
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and obese.
Besides
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that,
schools
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can still make more money by selling healthy
food
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like juice and salad.

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content
Add real examples and facts to back each point. Use simple facts from life to make a point stronger.
coherence
Use clear link words to show order and contrast, like 'First', 'Next', 'But', 'So' to help flow.
language
Check grammar and word form in every sentence. Fix things like 'Because, that will' and 'the student' vs 'students'.
structure
Try one main idea in each paragraph and finish with a small conclusion that restates your view.
linguistic
Keep words simple and short. Avoid long phrases and hard words.
structure
The essay has a clear view stated in the intro.
coherence
There is a basic plan with plan words 'First/Second/Conclusion'.
language
The writer uses simple words and short sentences.
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