IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Living in the cutting-edge era leads to many
children
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 interacting with their mobile phones for hours each day, since their entertainment and programs have been summarised in brand new gadgets. Whether
this
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 trend has a positive or negative impact greatly depends on the individual's purpose of usage and the number of hours spent. First and foremost, one of the reasons why young folk spend most of their time on their mobile phones is that many applications ,
such
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 as Instagram and TikTok, have provided addictive content that can easily absorb younger generations' attention.
Furthermore
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, there are messengers like Telegram that make getting in touch with friends and relatives convenient, which can play a significant role in teenagers' lives.
Moreover
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, through exploring useful materials on websites, they can benefit from upcoming trends and information in any field, which keeps their minds sharp and productive.
While
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,
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apply
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 the challenges of
this
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 trend cannot be overlooked.
Initially
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, excessive use of smartphones is one of the contributing factors to emerging physical health problems ,
such
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 as arthritis among teenagers, since they sit stationary for long hours in one position.
Moreover
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, many unconscious
children
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 have been exposed to dangerous and inappropriate content on the internet.
For instance
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, hackers can access their personal information if they just click on the wrong links. In conclusion, with the development of smartphones and technology, many people are prone to using these gadgets, particularly
children
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. They can take advantage of digital entertainment, interaction with their friends, and
also
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 boost their knowledge about the latest trends.
While
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 overuse of them leads to some physical issues
and
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, and
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also
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 increases the risk of abuse of unaware
children
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.

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clarity
Use simple short sentences. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like and, but, so, also to show flow.
development
Add more detail to each point. Give one or two small examples that fit.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation. Avoid long run-on sentences.
task response
The idea that both sides can be true is clear.
coherence
The essay gives examples of apps and chat tools.
structure
Conclusion repeats the main idea.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital devices
  • smartphone addiction
  • online interactions
  • developmental impact
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • parental supervision
  • proliferation of apps
  • engaging content
  • excessive use
  • sedentary lifestyle
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