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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for ​different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. ​ Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for ​different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. ​ Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates data in regard to Melborn's
dwellers
Check wording
dwellers'
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 in a social
center
Change the spelling
centre
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,
in
Change preposition
over
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 two decades.
Overal
Use the right word
Overall
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,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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'
inpopular
Correct your spelling
popular
activities
Use synonyms
 went through eye-catching changes,
although
Linking Words
 two
Use synonyms
activities
Check wording
activities'
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 popularity
remaind staible
Correct your spelling
remained stable
. Turning to stable
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
activities
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
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Film
Correct article usage
the Film
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 club was by far the most
infavore
Correct your spelling
favoured
 activity
amonge
Correct your spelling
among
 dwellers and
also
Linking Words
 stood at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level with around 65
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
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 for all investigated time period.
This
Linking Words
 trend
followed
Verb problem
was followed
show examples
 by Martial
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
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 with around 35 participating
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 two decades. Turning to changed taste
activities
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
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Amatour
Correct your spelling
Amateur
 dramatics carried third place in popularity with 26
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000, and experienced a marginal rise to 38 in 2005,
although
Linking Words
nosedowned
Correct your spelling
nosedived
 to 8
taking part
Correct word order
people taking part
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020. In
despite
Use the right word
spite
show examples
, Table tennis had 16 interested
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and after a
unnoticeable
Replace the word
noticeable
show examples
 growth in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 decade, its popularity
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 dramatically to 55 in 2020. As
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 investigated activity, a new field presented in 2005: musical performance that went through a
dramatic
Punctuation problem
dramatic,
show examples
 steady-rising trend in 15 years and engaged 12
dwelller
Correct your spelling
dwellers
 as music lovers.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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