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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows average monthly student expenditure in the UK in 2016. The bar chart shows sources of student income in the same year

The pie chart shows average monthly student expenditure in the UK in 2016. The bar chart shows sources of student income in the same year
The pie chart illustrates how students in the UK spend in 30 days
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
income
Use synonyms
 in 2016 is provided by the bar chart.
Overall
Linking Words
, paying rent constituted the majority of the expenditure,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travel is the minority. In terms of the
income
Use synonyms
, student
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 have the highest percentage compared to the grants and funding. Half of the slice denotes the rent
payed
Verb problem
paid
show examples
 monthly (385 GBP). Followed by
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Fix capitalization
They
show examples
 spent 124 pounds on their food, which is about 12% of the total. And,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one-fourth of their spending accounts for miscellaneous, bills, socialising and travel, 91,69,64 and 52 pounds, respectively
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with the student
income
Use synonyms
, the highest percentage of the young people have
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 with 80%,
while
Linking Words
 the grants and funding about 38% holds the least
income
Use synonyms
 sector.
Secondly
Linking Words
, family and part-time jobs
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 students
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of around 70%,
likewise
Linking Words
, savings and bank overdraft
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 roughly 50%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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