IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have lost an item of value on a train. Write a letter to the railway company. In your letter •describe the item •explain where and when you left it •say what action you would like the company to take You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

#item #value #train #railway #company #•describe #•explain #•say #action #addresses #sir #madam
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I am writing to inform you that I lost my
laptop
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 with a black
bag
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 on
Surrey
Correct article usage
the Surrey
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 to Vancouver Sky
train
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. The lost
laptop
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 which is 14 inches black colour Dell flip book 2018, has a Spiderman sticker on the front side. It has a touchscreen feature and a c charge port on the right side. The
bag
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 is black colour Nike brand one. I caught the
train
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 compartment number 3 from the start, around 8.00 am
on
Change preposition
apply
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last
Linking Words
 Friday (on 06 Sep 2024) from Surrey Center Sky
train
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 station to Vancouver. As I got a seat exactly at Metrotown station, kept the
laptop
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bag
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 on the floor in front of my seat. When I got off the
train
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 at Waterfront station, was unable to carry the lap
bag
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. The lost
laptop
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, that was provided to me by my employer, has stored confidential office information. I request you to review the CCTV Cameras of compartment 3 to identify any incidents that would assist me in finding my asset. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully Aravinda Jayaweera
Submitted by aravindasajith on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more concise explanation of where and when the laptop was left to improve clarity. For example, 'I left my laptop in compartment 3 of the Surrey to Vancouver SkyTrain around 8:00 am on September 6, 2024.'
task achievement
Include more precise instructions on the requested actions, such as contacting you through provided contact details. This would reinforce the clarity of your request.
task achievement
The description of the laptop and bag is specific and detailed, which helps in recognizing the lost items.
suitable writing tone
Overall, the tone of the letter is polite and formal, which is suitable for the context.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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