Some feel that it is important for all adults to engage in the arts in the free time as a hobby. Others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Despite the fact that it has been pointed out by some that participating in art clubs or classes during leisure time is crucial for all adults, other people do not agree with
this
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idea. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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thought as joining an art club has benefits in terms of people’s development. On the one hand, some individuals, including me, suggest that taking part in art classes has advantages regarding creativity and problem-solving. The reason is that, unlike scientific fields, paintings or drawings are not judged by a universal standard.
As a result
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, when creating their own masterpieces, they are not afraid of trying different ways to express themselves, which encourages them to think outside the box and cultivates creative thinking. When facing problems in daily life, they are more likely to think about the solutions from different angles,
thus
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improving their problem-solving ability.
For instance
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, several senior executives in accounting firms state that their companies have started organising free weekly painting classes for their employees since
last
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year. They are aware that after attending
this
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activity, a significant proportion of their workers’ imagination and problem-solving skills are enhanced, which enables them to introduce new and efficient ways to tackle issues.
On the other hand
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, other people believe that developing hobbies in physical activities is more vital than participating in the arts.
This
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is because doing daily exercise can enhance the immune system and help us build a strong body, which lowers the risk of catching several illnesses,
thus
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allowing adults to have longevity and to be able to enjoy their lives. As an illustration, those who are in their sixties and seventies say that joining a tennis course organised by the local community not only provides them with a chance to develop a new hobby but
also
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improves their physical well-being, which helps them to have excellent physical condition to enjoy their later years. In conclusion, people may have different opinions about whether it is essential for all adults to take part in the arts as their hobby in their leisure time,
while
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I am of the opinion that participating in the arts is extremely important since it is beneficial to the development of creative thinking and problem-solving skills for individuals.

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task
Task response: The essay discusses both sides and gives your view clearly. To push this higher, make sure all ideas tie tightly to the question and end with a short, clear final opinion.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Add more linking words to show how ideas go from one point to the next. Use shorter sentences in places to keep the flow clear.
idea
Clear stance in the end shows your view.
structure
Two sides are shown with ‘on the one hand’ and ‘on the other hand’.
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