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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses. Summaries and make comparisons where relevant.

The shown Line graph below illustrates the condition of participation by club members to different courses. Summaries and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph displays the number of people who joined three clubs ( swimming ,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 and
gym
Use synonyms
 )from 1995 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
 , members of
swimming
Correct article usage
the swimming
show examples
 club
dereased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 sharply
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
 , it was overtaken by
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 and
gym
Use synonyms
 participants,
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 one of them
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 the same and the other
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 steeply , respectively , over the period. In 1995 ,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 proportion of swimmers was the highest among the others
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 , it experienced a strong decline by 40% from 1995 to 2010, after which it stayed the same between 2010 and 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
 , the number of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 enter the
gym
Use synonyms
 grew significantly by around 20% from 1995 to 2015, despite
it levelled
Verb problem
levelling
show examples
 out
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2015.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 rose slightly by 5% and surpassed the
precenteage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of swimmers , before it plateaued for 5 years ,
then
Linking Words
 it dropped between 2010 to 2015
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10%. To summarise, the
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 ,
gym
Use synonyms
 became more popular ,
And
Fix capitalization
and
show examples
 less popular for swimming members .

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Vocabulary: Replace the words team, sports, gym with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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