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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People in the current generation are not fit and active. What are the problems with this issue? What can be done to encourage people to participate in sports activities?

An active body is very important for the mental and physical
health
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 of the human body.
However
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, in today’s world, many
people
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 are becoming less active. Some argue that the high prices of
sports
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 clubs are a major reason for
people
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’s lack of interest in physical activity,
while
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 others believe that
this
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 generation has become lazy
due to
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 their addiction to digital devices. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and suggest possible solutions to
this
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 growing problem.
Although
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sports
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 clubs are available, many young
people
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 are not physically active because of their addiction to social media and electronic devices. Children,
in particular
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, spend long hours on phones and tablets, which affects their willingness to engage in physical activities either at school or at home.
This
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 lack of movement often leads to
health
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 issues
such
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 as obesity.
Furthermore
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, some parents do not encourage their children to go outside and play, as they are often busy with work and may not prioritize physical
health
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. If schools and governments do not take action,
this
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 issue will continue to grow and affect future generations.
On the other hand
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, another reason for the lack of interest in
sports
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 is the high cost of gym memberships, especially for
women
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. In some countries, including mine,
fitness
Use synonyms
 club prices for
women
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 are often higher than those for men.
This
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 discourages many
women
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 from joining gyms or
fitness
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centers
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centres
show examples
.
As a result
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, many
women
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 face higher rates of obesity and related
health
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 problems. To solve these issues, governments should support the development of public parks and provide free or low-cost
fitness
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 programs in schools and communities. Schools should
also
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 promote regular physical education classes.
In addition
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, awareness campaigns can help educate parents and children about the importance of staying active.
Fitness
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 should
also
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 consider offering more affordable membership options to encourage more
people
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 to join. In conclusion, the decrease in physical activity among
people
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, especially the younger generation, is caused by both the high prices of
sports
Use synonyms
 clubs and the widespread use of digital devices. To address
this
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, both governments and individuals must take responsibility and promote a healthier, more active lifestyle for all.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and relates back to your thesis statement. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples, especially personal or real-life situations, to make your arguments stronger.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and what you will discuss, which is good for setting the context.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chronic diseases
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • cardiovascular conditions
  • mental health
  • physical inactivity
  • stress hormones
  • endorphins
  • social consequence
  • community bonds
  • teamwork
  • social development
  • mandatory physical activity programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • influencers
  • development and maintenance
  • subsidized access
  • physical well-being
  • healthcare systems
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