Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #pets #children

Art

is an essential part of human life. A lot of countries of the world spend a portion of their incomes on

art

. Some may argue that the money should

be spend

Change the verb form

be spent

show examples

improvemnets

Correct your spelling

improvements

improvement

Change preposition

show examples

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

and education fields, but others agree that

this

will

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

a positive effect

Change preposition

show examples

the people of the

country

This

essay will explore

aspects

Correct article usage

the aspects

show examples

and keys of each perspective. Many say

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

art

is not an important point in our life. There are many things which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

more crucial,

for

instance

Add the comma(s)

instance,

show examples

eduacation

Correct your spelling

education

, health and

Correct article usage

the millitary

show examples

millitary

Correct your spelling

military

. Focusing too

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

of our income on arts may leave behind those other sides, resulting

into

Change preposition

show examples

a national decline. The lack of medical equipment can affect the

country

's life expectancy. Another reason for

this

view is that

art

may not directly benefit the majority of the population, especially in developing countries, where the funds could be used for more impactful fields,

such

as infrastructure development.

However

, there are others who believe that the decision to spend money on

art

is correct. Support from the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

can help lift a

country

's heritage and promote cultural identity,

fosetring

Correct your spelling

fostering

pride and unity among citizens.

In addition

art

-related industries will

also

be affected by

this

wave of advancement. Tourism, galleries, and creative businesses

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will generate significant revenue and employment opportunities. Iconic

art

and exhibitions can attract millions of visitors annually.

This

will undoubtedly improve the economic condition of a

country

. In conclusion,

while

priotizing

Correct your spelling

prioritising

health and education is crucial, investing in

art

also

brings significant cultural and economic advantages. By allocating funds wisely to both, countries can ensure balanced national development.

Submitted by riani.the2 on Mon Jul 29 2024

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language

Ensure grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity and readability.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific examples to support the arguments more persuasively.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, providing a fair representation of the debate.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a clear overview and a concise summary.

coherence cohesion

The logical flow of ideas is mostly consistent, contributing to a coherent argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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