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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increase in tourism has led to greater cultural understanding, but it has also caused damage to local cultures. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since
tourism
Use synonyms
 has increased all over the world, cultural understanding
raised
Wrong verb form
has risen
show examples
 with it;
however
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, it
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
has also
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 caused damage to local
cultures
Use synonyms
. By understanding how different
cultures
Use synonyms
 live,
connections
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
are made, giving more knowledge about how other civilisations used to live. I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the biggest damages happen when overtourism meets
monetization
Change the spelling
monetisation
show examples
 of
culture
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. On the one hand, countries that share their
culture
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 can make
connections
Use synonyms
 between other
cultures
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 and give people an understanding of their ancestors.
Firstly
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, sharing
ones
Check wording
one's
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
 gives the opportunity to make
connections
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 with different countries and their
culture
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, leading to new knowledge.
For example
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, in German and Roman
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culture
Punctuation problem
culture,
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 it is known that
long lasting
Use the right word
long-lasting
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 wars existed between them, a fact which would not have been known if they were not open to
tourism
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.
Secondly
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, creating
tourism
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 gives foreigners an understanding of the way of life in a certain country.
For instance
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, Europeans, who used alcohol to
sterilize
Change the spelling
sterilise
show examples
 their
drinks
Punctuation problem
drinks,
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 are capable of drinking a lot,
while
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Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
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, who had other ways of
Correct your spelling
sterilisation
sterilisazion
Punctuation problem
sterilisazion,
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 do not get on well with alcohol.
This
Linking Words
 shows
, by
Correct word choice
that, by
show examples
 increasing
tourism
Use synonyms
, people learn to understand their past and make
connections
Use synonyms
 to other
cultures
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.
On the other hand
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,
overtoursim
Correct your spelling
overtourism
 can damage local
culture
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 heavily, especially when it is getting
monetized
Change the spelling
monetised
show examples
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 many cultural world wonders, where
tourism
Use synonyms
 is booming, big hotels are being
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 even if it means
to destroy
Wrong verb form
destroying
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 smaller, "unwanted" cultural sites.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
culture
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 gets pushed into the background to
give
Verb problem
make
show examples
 way for making money. In Australia
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for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 instance, individuals have to pay to see Uluru, the biggest rock in the world, even tho it is in the middle of nowhere and no
mainanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 is required. In my opinion,
this
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 can reduce the experience
to see
Change preposition
of seeing
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such
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 cultural habitats and
lowers
Correct subject-verb agreement
lower
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 the
overall
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 interest in them. In conclusion,
while
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 greater
tourism
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 can give a greater understanding of different
culutures
Correct your spelling
cultures
 and create links between them,
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much
tourism
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 destroys
such
Linking Words
cultures
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 to make way for moneymaking.
This
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 should not be the main motivation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 increasing
tourism
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan your ideas first. Make a small map. Then write one idea in each paragraph with a clear link to the next idea.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use simple, correct verb and noun forms. Fix long sentences.
content
Use clear facts and easy examples. Do not use facts you are not sure of. Keep to what is easy to check.
structure
In the end, rest your view. Make the last line strong so the reader sees your view clearly.
content
It shows you want to cover both view and give your own view.
structure
You try to use words to show contrast and link ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchange
  • Mutual respect
  • Cultural preservation
  • Cultural erosion
  • Heritage site
  • Cultural identity
  • Commercialization
  • Global community
  • Intercultural interactions
  • Stereotypes
  • Economic gains
  • Tourist influx
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural experiences
  • Indigenous cultures
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