IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivataion for commiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both thee view and give your opinion

There have been a lot of criminals who have committed various
crimes
Use synonyms
 recently. It is said that governments should consider an equal fine for all kinds of
crimes
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 there are other
people
Use synonyms
 with different perspectives. They believe that punishments should be established
according to
Linking Words
 different situations. We cannot deny that there are several factors for engaging in
crimes
Use synonyms
, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that if there is a specific punishment for all types of
crimes
Use synonyms
, criminals will be scared a lot.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the possibility of repetition will decrease.
As a result
Linking Words
, criminals do not waste their time, and they are aware of the consequences of their bad behaviour.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when there is a fixed and strong punishment for all
crimes
Use synonyms
 in society, all the
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds are persuaded to improve to increase the peace and security in their society.
Consequently
Linking Words
, criminal activities will be removed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have been several reasons to commit
crimes
Use synonyms
. Some
crimes
Use synonyms
 are committed
due to
Linking Words
 poor economic situations,
while
Linking Words
 others increase
due to
Linking Words
 mental health issues.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is really essential to consider the intention behind them. If
people
Use synonyms
 commit an upsetting crime which affects the public, they have to be punished in public places because the public is shocked by that event.
Therefore
Linking Words
, peace and calmness will return to
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
crimes
Use synonyms
 occur for individual motivations, and they are for the excitement behind. They are not destructive.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is important to lead them not to repeat it again. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, some financial fines can be effective and preventative for them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think fixed punishments can prevent a huge amount of
crimes
Use synonyms
, considering fines based on criminal activities is a fairer approach. I recommend preventing
crimes
Use synonyms
 by improving the economic and social conditions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Use a clear opening line for each paragraph to show the main idea.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like and, but, so, also to help flow.
content
Add one or two exact examples to show a point.
clarity
Be clear when you talk about fixed punishments vs when we need to think of the reason for the crime.
task response
End with a firm view and a short finish.
content
The essay shows both sides and has an end view.
structure
It has a clear form: intro, two body parts, and end.
cohesion
Some linking words help the flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • deterrence
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • nuanced
  • rehabilitation
  • re-offending rates
  • tailored sentencing
  • judicial discretion
  • minimum sentences
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: