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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of literature pieces read by the visitors of the Burnaby Public Library, split by gender. The information shown was collected over the course of 4 years
since
Punctuation problem
, since
show examples
 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
women
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 has increased,
although
Linking Words
 it has experienced a noticeable decline in one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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. The
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of pieces that were taken by men,
however
Linking Words
, has gone up dramatically since the beginning. Regarding the female readers of the Burnaby Public Library, in the
year
Use synonyms
2011
Punctuation problem
2011,
show examples
 they managed to go through approximately 5000
books
Use synonyms
. The next
year
Use synonyms
their
Punctuation problem
, their
show examples
 results saw a steady rise, as they reached the mark of 8000. In the
year
Use synonyms
2013
Add a comma
2013,
show examples
 the
read
Replace the word
reading
show examples
 literature was at its peak, amounting to 10000. Next
year
Use synonyms
, the
Use synonyms
women's number of
Correct word order
number of women's
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 declined significantly,
although
Linking Words
 never reaching the all-time low for
this
Linking Words
criteria
Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
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. The men's results show promise as well.
In
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At
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 the beginning of the
survey
Add a comma
survey,
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 the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
books
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 read reached 3000, which was 2000 lower than the
women
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's results at the time. The coming of the
year
Use synonyms
 2012 didn't change a lot as per the male reception of literature, as the growth of the number of
books
Use synonyms
 wasn't very noticeable. The next
year
Use synonyms
 began the great upward trend, as they
caugh
Correct your spelling
caught
 up with the ladies’ result of 10000. In the
year
Use synonyms
2014
Punctuation problem
2014,
show examples
 they
urpassed
Correct your spelling
Surpassed
 the
women
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 in getting
books
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 from the library by 6000. All in all, both ladies and gentlemen have become more fond of reading, as shown
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the line graph presented.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, women, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of books
  • reading habits
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • men
  • women
  • yearly trends
  • fluctuations
  • comparison
  • audience behavior
  • gender gap
  • significantly
  • dramatic increase
  • decline
  • data points
  • overall trend
  • specific figures
  • notable fluctuations
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