IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the individuals who make the most money are the most successful. Others believe that the most successful are those who contribute to society, such as scientists and teachers. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

Meaning
Correct article usage
The meaning
show examples
 of
success
Use synonyms
 is different from person to person.
One on
Correct word order
On one
show examples
 hand, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 think that a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 can bring
success
Use synonyms
 to them,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, other thinks
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 doing something for
society
Use synonyms
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example,
serve
Wrong verb form
serving
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 education, treatment
Punctuation problem
, etc.
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etc.
Punctuation problem
etc.,
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 could bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real
success
Use synonyms
. The essay will examine
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both statements and provide a personal opinion.
To have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
 a sufficient amount of
money
Use synonyms
 has numerous benefits. For instate, if one has enough
money
Use synonyms
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will have the best education, treatment, and recreational facilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, tension regarding how to manage
money
Use synonyms
 for emergencies
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will not bother. One has mental peace
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty of
money
Use synonyms
 because
money
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 less vulnerable during
critical
Correct article usage
a critical
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 situation. There is no
debet
Correct your spelling
debate
 about that in every
stages
Fix the agreement mistake
stage
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
, money
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 plays a considerable role.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
whoever
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 holds more
money
Use synonyms
,
society
Use synonyms
 itself provides them
a
Correct article usage
an
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eliets
Correct your spelling
elite
 tag.
However
Linking Words
, sometimes
money
Use synonyms
 can minimise the ethical value of a
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
. There is
Correct article usage
a
show examples
popular statement, which is
Use synonyms
money
Correct determiner usage
that money
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 brings
arrogent
Correct your spelling
arrogance
 as well. So, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large amount of benefits, it has disadvantages too.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 who chose novel professions so that they can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, during
covid
Use the right word
COVID
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, doctors serve the world -month after month-including day and night. Many of them lost their
life
Use synonyms
 during
covid
Correct article usage
the COVID
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 period as they
also
Linking Words
contraminited
Correct your spelling
contaminated
,
while
Linking Words
 they were providing treatment.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 lost their
life
Use synonyms
 but
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
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 a lot of respect and
preyer
Use the right word
prayer
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 from
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 unconditional love can not
buy
Wrong verb form
be bought
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 for the sake of anything
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 even
money
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, teachers
scientists
Correct word choice
and scientists
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 are
serveing
Correct your spelling
serving
society
Use synonyms
 by their valuable service. Though they do not have a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 earn respect and mental satisfaction.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both sides have pros and cons
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, my personal opinion is
Use synonyms
success
Correct word choice
that success
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 should
measure
Wrong verb form
be measured
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 by satisfaction
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I believe it comes
by
Change preposition
from
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serveing
Correct your spelling
serving
people
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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.
Although
Linking Words
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
 can not be ignored but for
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 is personal satisfaction, which comes by doing something for others.

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task response
Begin with a clear view in the first paragraph. Say what side you take and why in one sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use a main idea at the start of each paragraph and add one or two simple examples.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling in every paragraph, especially small words like a, an, the, and prepositions.
lexical resource
Choose easy words and short sentences to keep the meaning clear.
task response
Give one or two good examples for each point and keep them simple.
task response
There is a clear attempt to discuss both sides and to give an opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a proper end with the writer's view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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