IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to buy some products
due to
Linking Words
 advertising,
while
Linking Words
 others
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 seen the same
adsvertising mulitple
Correct your spelling
advertising multiple
 times and
this
Linking Words
 doesn't affect them or their choice.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, how
advertise
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
shape
Replace the word
shaped
show examples
 our way
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 in different ways, and how it
forced
Wrong verb form
forces
show examples
 us to buy more. If you had seen any
ads
Use synonyms
 before you would conclude that, they use spicific method to convence us to buy the product or what they sell, one of the ways they might use is to take some advanteges trhoughout things that you need, like phones , cars, houses , and food, those things consider to be importnat for human to live, and if he sees any
ads
Use synonyms
 about it he would especially if were need it, other point is stuff that we would want like, travel, buying some clothes and even entertinment.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 I had bought some clothes because I
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 seen an
offern
Correct your spelling
offer
 on it ,
due to
Linking Words
 the
ads
Use synonyms
 they make.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 thinks that
ads
Use synonyms
 no longer had any impact on our lives or want we want to choose, sence we are in the technology era you will see lots of
ads
Use synonyms
 in your phone, lap top and even your TV, so most of the
people
Use synonyms
 had used to see many
ads
Use synonyms
 in their daily life, on different topics, and because of
this
Linking Words
 we have notice that some companies change their way of
ads
Use synonyms
 to be more cinematic to sound more interest, and other ideas is to have some famous
people
Use synonyms
 do their advertising, to gain more viewers, as result of that
people
Use synonyms
 had use to see many
ads
Use synonyms
 without any attention or care at all. In conclusion, I
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
advertise
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 can change our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 dramatically, and makes us pay more,

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task response
Be clear on your view. Open with a simple line that says what you think. Then talk about the two views and finish with your own clear idea.
coherence
Make one idea per paragraph. Put a short sentence at the start of each paragraph to tell the point. Use simple linking words to join ideas.
content
Add more clear examples that show why people think this way. Use easy real life cases, like a sale on clothes or a big ad on a phone.
grammar
Read your writing and fix big errors in spelling and grammar. Simple mistakes can slow readers.
structure
Keep your message short and to the point. Do not repeat the same idea many times.
content
The essay tries to cover both parts and give a view.
coherence
There are some link words that help flow.
content
The idea of ads in daily life is clear and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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