Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the present day, watching TV and playing Video Games are affecting youngsters’ mental that society ensures these activities have more drawbacks than advantages. I strongly agree with the statement because nowadays they may learn many
things
in many ways.
On the one hand, using entertainment Use synonyms
things
is disturbing the Use synonyms
behavior
of teenagers. Change the spelling
behaviour
For example
, a boy who always watches a movie overnight will have inadequate time for sleep. When he does it consistently, it affects not only his mental health caused by lack of rest but Linking Words
also
his stamina will reduce significantly. Linking Words
Moreover
, to maintain their health, children need to sleep properly they must sleep normally around six to eight hours per day.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, much beneficial knowledge can teenagers acquire with the entertainment Linking Words
things
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, by watching TV about the area of their proper interest Linking Words
such
as animal life at least 2 hours a day, they may learn about it and be educated about wildlife. Linking Words
Secondly
, playing the console Linking Words
also
increases their intelligence because recent games have many unique levels of difficulty that can provide youngsters. Linking Words
Lastly
, some people assume that spending time with game control or watching something that we interesting is good for gaining mental emotion because it can redirect some problems temporarily.
In conclusion, entertainment has drawbacks on some occasions which are bad for teenagers Linking Words
such
as inadequate time for rest. Linking Words
However
, ordinary education only provides some theoretical subjects and children Linking Words
also
need to learn many Linking Words
things
outside that can be getting from their interest platform.Use synonyms
Submitted by re.li on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. You should start with a clear introduction, present your main points in a structured way in the body paragraphs, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
It's crucial to make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should restate your main points and provide a final thought.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the development of ideas is lacking depth and specificity. Include more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. This will help the reader understand and be convinced by your points.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete, but you need to ensure that you fully address the prompt by taking a clear stance and providing a thorough discussion of your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. At times, your essay is vague and generalized. Focus on being precise and articulate about what you're trying to say.
Task Achievement
You have included some relevant examples, which is good. However, ensure that your examples are specific and directly support the argument you're making. This will add strength to your essay and help you achieve a higher score.