Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present day, watching TV and playing Video Games are affecting youngsters’ mental that society ensures these activities have more drawbacks than advantages. I strongly agree with the statement because nowadays they may learn many
things
in many ways. On the one hand, using entertainment
things
is disturbing the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
of teenagers.
For example
, a boy who always watches a movie overnight will have inadequate time for sleep. When he does it consistently, it affects not only his mental health caused by lack of rest but
also
his stamina will reduce significantly.
Moreover
, to maintain their health, children need to sleep properly they must sleep normally around six to eight hours per day.
On the other hand
, much beneficial knowledge can teenagers acquire with the entertainment
things
.
Firstly
, by watching TV about the area of their proper interest
such
as animal life at least 2 hours a day, they may learn about it and be educated about wildlife.
Secondly
, playing the console
also
increases their intelligence because recent games have many unique levels of difficulty that can provide youngsters.
Lastly
, some people assume that spending time with game control or watching something that we interesting is good for gaining mental emotion because it can redirect some problems temporarily. In conclusion, entertainment has drawbacks on some occasions which are bad for teenagers
such
as inadequate time for rest.
However
, ordinary education only provides some theoretical subjects and children
also
need to learn many
things
outside that can be getting from their interest platform.
Submitted by re.li on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. You should start with a clear introduction, present your main points in a structured way in the body paragraphs, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
It's crucial to make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should restate your main points and provide a final thought.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the development of ideas is lacking depth and specificity. Include more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. This will help the reader understand and be convinced by your points.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete, but you need to ensure that you fully address the prompt by taking a clear stance and providing a thorough discussion of your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. At times, your essay is vague and generalized. Focus on being precise and articulate about what you're trying to say.
Task Achievement
You have included some relevant examples, which is good. However, ensure that your examples are specific and directly support the argument you're making. This will add strength to your essay and help you achieve a higher score.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
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