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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie chart illustrates the most popular sports in French secondary schools in three different years. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relavant.

The pie chart illustrates the most popular sports in French secondary schools in three different years. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relavant.
The three pie charts demonstrate the five different prominent sports played in French secondary schools over the period of 20
years
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 1990 to 2010. The units are measured as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 swimming had predominantly fraction throughout the
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 football contributed the smallest share
at the end
Linking Words
 of year. Interestingly,
basketball
Use synonyms
 experienced a noticeable
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 tennis remained intact throughout a period except
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decade. To commence with, in 1990, swimming was the most
playing
Wrong verb form
played
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 sport in school, which accounted for roughly
two-fifth
Use the right word
two-fifths
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. Afterwards, it surged to 48% in the following ten
years
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
declined
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 7% in 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
, other sports
also
Linking Words
 had a quarter proportion of voting from
french
Fix capitalization
French
show examples
 students, where it was decreased by 6% in the
last
Linking Words
 20
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, football and
basketball
Use synonyms
 reported an identical proportion in the initial
years
Use synonyms
 at 16%, but in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2000, football
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 increased slightly
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
basketball
Use synonyms
 dropped
dramastically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 by nearly one-tenth. In the following period,
basketball
Use synonyms
 took a big jump of almost 18% to reach a quarter in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
tennis
Correct article usage
the tennis
show examples
 game was the least popular in school at 4% to 7% over the span.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, basketball with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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