IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Damage to the environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, living
standards
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 have been rising globally, which has sparked debate about their
impact
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 on the
environment
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.
While
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 some people believe that higher living
standards
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 inevitably harm the
environment
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, others argue that
this
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 is not necessarily the case.
This
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 essay will examine both sides and explain why I believe that rising living
standards
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 can damage the
environment
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, though solutions exist to mitigate these effects. On the one hand, the primary reason I hold
this
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 view is that rising living
standards
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 inevitably lead to increased
consumption
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 of natural
resources
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. To achieve a better
quality
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 of
life
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, it becomes necessary to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 more natural
resources
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 for constructing facilities, and the intensive use of these
resources
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 will cause environmental damage.
For instance
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, building skyscrapers consumes vast amounts of natural
resources
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such
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 as water, energy, and raw materials. Over-reliance on the
development
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 of these
resources
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 will
impact
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 the natural
environment
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.
Moreover
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, rising living
standards
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 increase industrial output and transportation use, both of which harm the
environment
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. Higher living
standards
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 accompany economic
development
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 and improved
quality
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 of
life
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, which typically boost industrial production and vehicle usage, leading to air and water pollution.
Furthermore
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, more advanced societies often generate greater amounts of waste, placing additional burdens on the
environment
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. As living
standards
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 rise, increased
consumption
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 produces more waste, exerting pressure on the
environment
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.
On the other hand
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, some may argue that boosting the standard of living is not necessarily damaging to the
environment
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.
Firstly
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, advances in green technology and renewable energy can mitigate the environmental
impact
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 of higher living
standards
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. Many sustainable technological developments not only enhance convenience but
also
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 protect the
environment
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.
Secondly
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, government regulations and environmental policies can mitigate the negative environmental effects of economic
development
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. Through governmental intervention, the means by which people enhance their
quality
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 of
life
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 can be influenced, reducing
development
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 that harms the
environment
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.
Thirdly
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, heightened environmental awareness and sustainable lifestyles enable people to maintain responsible
consumption
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 even as living
standards
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 rise. Individuals can
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 environmental
development
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while
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 improving their
quality
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 of
life
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, avoiding choices detrimental to environmental progress and taking responsibility for reducing environmental damage. In conclusion, rising living
standards
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 can lead to increased resource
consumption
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, pollution, and waste, which harm the
environment
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.
However
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, advances in technology, government regulations, and sustainable lifestyles can help reduce these negative effects. On balance,
while
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 higher living
standards
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 pose environmental challenges, their
impact
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 can be managed through responsible measures.

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task
Make a clear plan in the first paragraph. State your main idea and what you will prove. This helps the reader see your map.
coherence
Give one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two ideas with simple proof or example.
task
Use more precise examples. Try one clear fact or date or real case, in simple words, to back your point.
coherence
Link ideas with short and clear words. Use 'and', 'but', 'so', 'because', 'then' to show cause and effect.
grammar
Check long sentences. Shorter sentences can be clearer and keep your idea clean.
structure
Clear view on the topic and a plan in your intro.
content
You show both sides with good balance.
coherence
You use 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion' well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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