IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #pressure
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Teenagers' lifestyles are often influenced by seeing others of
their
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the
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 same age, which we call peer pressure. I completely believe that changing their natural identity for the sake of others would negatively affect their
lives
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.
While
Linking Words
 acknowledging that there are benefits,
this
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate how the drawbacks of swaying outweigh the advantages.
To begin
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 with the merits, a child can obtain many good deeds by watching others. Smoking and liquor consumption are the most prominent problems in today's world. So, if an adolescent is a teetotaller,
then
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 the people who are in close connection with him would develop the same habit, which brings adequate benefits for the children who are following him. To illustrate
this
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, a friend of mine quit his alcoholic addiction because he was deeply influenced by my good
behavior
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behaviour
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.
As a result
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, he is now preaching to everyone to leave their bad habits behind. In regard to the demerits, there are many reasons that can bring a terrible future to the people who are badly influenced. One of the prime causes is lifestyle. Many indigent children
are
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apply
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often
changing
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change
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 their attire style after seeing their fellow affluent classmates, which is perilous to their
lives
Use synonyms
 because it tends to create nefarious thoughts in them. To exemplify
this
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, if a parent was not able to afford costly attire for their child, he would steal the money from the home;
therefore
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,
this
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 aptitude would develop in the long run.
This
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 is why I am justifying the changes that may foil their
lives
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. In conclusion, even though there is much well-being, which can help to make a child's future better,
However
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,
in contrast
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, it is adversely impacting the youngsters, and it may destroy their good
lives
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.
Therefore
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, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

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coherence cohesion
In the interest of coherence, it is essential that your essay maintains a clear logical flow throughout each paragraph. To boost your score, consider employing a variety of linking words and phrases that will help readers follow your argument more easily. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on a single idea with relevant examples to support it.
task achievement
To fully address the task, it is crucial that you provide a balanced examination of both the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure, including relevant examples. While your essay presents both sides, there is a tendency to focus more on the disadvantages. A clearer and more comprehensive exploration of the advantages would improve your score.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource could be enriched by using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. Avoid excessively complex words where a simpler, clearer choice would suffice. For instance, 'teetotaller' can simply be 'non-drinker' and 'aptitude' should be reconsidered as 'tendency' in the context used. Strive for words that accurately convey your meaning within the given context.
grammatical range and accuracy
A greater range of grammatical structures could significantly elevate your writing. While a variety of sentence forms is present, the accuracy in complex structures needs improvement. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of tenses. It would also be beneficial to review the use of articles and prepositions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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