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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that it is important for all adults to engage in the arts in the free time as a hobby. Others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

It is often debated whether engaging in artistic
hobbies
Use synonyms
 in leisure
time
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 is a crucial activity for all adults.
While
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 some advocate that artistic pursuits have several benefits, others argue that
such
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activities
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 are not essential for everyone.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting a reasoned opinion. Proponents of widespread artistic engagement highlight the numerous advantages it offers.
Firstly
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, it works as a stress burster. In
this
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 increasingly demanding world, if people spend some
time
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 in creative
activities
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such
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 as painting, reading, photography, drama, and many more, they can significantly escape from hectic life. People can express their emotions and imagination by getting involved in
such
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 creative
activities
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.
For instance
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, someone who paints landscapes after work can unwind and improve their observational skills.
Secondly
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, it not only builds confidence level but
also
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 fosters cognitive skills
such
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 as problem solving, creative thinking
while
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 participating in theatre performances.
Additionally
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, enhances social interaction, whether reading books in a book club, as it combats loneliness and builds community.
However
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, not everyone agrees that artistic
hobbies
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 are a necessary component. Opponents argue that individuals have diverse interests, and not everyone likes to pursue artistic
hobbies
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. Many adults find
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 and relaxation in other forms,
such
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 as volunteering at events, exercising, sports, and particularly spending
time
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 with family, which provides them with inner gratification. To exemplify, playing sports promotes great stamina and physical fitness, which is not possible only
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 artistic
activities
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.
Moreover
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, artistic
activities
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 are expensive as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 require specific
time
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 and commitment, which is not feasible for an individual who has family responsibilities and a heavy workload. In conclusion,
while
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 the advantages of pursuing artistic
hobbies
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 are undeniable, I think that a blended approach that harnesses the strengths of both mediums would be the best option for growing ones to build oneself strong and escape from hectic life.

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structure
Plan a simple plan before writing: state your view clearly in the first and last paragraph and list two sides with a clear opinion.
coherence
Use clear links to show contrast and flow: for example 'on one hand' and 'on the other hand', then 'however' to add a point.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors and keep sentences short. Use 'they' for plural and fix 'it requires' to match the noun.
examples
Give a clear example for each main point or idea to make it strong.
respons
Essay tries to cover both sides and gives a final opinion.
content
There are several ideas about benefits like stress relief and social life.
attempt
The essay uses a range of hobbies as examples.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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