IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An Increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this causes? What solutions that can you suggest to deal with this situation?

The number of professional workers in the field of medicine and schooling is leaving their needy state to advance nation-states.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, poor land sometimes
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a small
amount
Use synonyms
 of wages
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 education in medicine is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 high price
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 addition to returning the
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
, many residents try to work in high-income countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
 needs to
make
Verb problem
pay
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 The major problem of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is triggered by the low
amount
Use synonyms
ofamount
Correct your spelling
of
 wages, with the high effort that they give in their work, workers in the medical and education fields often feel unworthy.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in my
country
Use synonyms
,
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the total earnings as a teacher are below the minimum wage of my
country
Use synonyms
. With many responsibilities and difficulties being a teacher, the earnings are not worth it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the high investment in education for getting a bachelor in medicine is enormously high.
Along with
Linking Words
 the lack of jobs and technology on both sides increasing the percentage that
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
doctors
Use synonyms
will
Correct pronoun usage
who will
show examples
 leave the
country
Use synonyms
.
Verb problem
is increasing.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, in my
country
Use synonyms
 , deficite of facilities available in hospitals.
However
Linking Words
, there are solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
 is raise the minimum wages for
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
doctors
Use synonyms
, giving appreciation for the effort and valuable knowledge that teacher gives to our next generations.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , upgrading the facilities in both
sides
Check wording
sides'
show examples
 schools and hospitals. Renovating the workplace environment can reduce many workers
to leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
 , giving a lot of benefits to
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
doctors
Use synonyms
 can lessen them by move to developed countries,
for example
Linking Words
, providing a house for
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
doctors
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 health insurance for both. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the main problem of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is
because of
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 the
amount
Use synonyms
 of salary that they get
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 where the solutions can be making the average
amount
Use synonyms
ofamount
Correct your spelling
of
 salary higher ,
along with
Linking Words
 many benefits that they can get.

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task
Try to answer both parts clearly: what problem happens and what steps to fix it. Use one clear plan with 3 steps.
cohesion
Use good order: first the problem, then its effect, then the fix. Use simple links like first, next, so, but.
grammar
Make your own words simple. Use short sentences. Check for grammar so the ideas stay easy to read.
structure
Cut long sentences. Each idea in one part. Add a short closing line.
content
The essay tries to show a problem and a plan to fix it.
content
It mentions salary and work place as main causes and fix.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Skilled professionals
  • Healthcare systems
  • Education systems
  • Economic growth
  • Dependency on foreign aid
  • Social inequality
  • Quality healthcare
  • Quality education
  • Retain talent
  • International cooperation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Scholarships
  • Professional development
  • Remote work capabilities
  • Local research funding
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