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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children’s charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children’s charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.
The pie chart illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of children's charity based on
Revenue
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Sources
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 and
Expenditures
Use synonyms
 in one year.
Overall
Linking Words
, food donation has the highest percentage from
Revenue
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
, and
Program
Use synonyms
 services
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the biggest
proportion
Use synonyms
 from
expenditures
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Revenue
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 have more
Use synonyms
income's
Check wording
income
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 rather than
Expenditures
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, from
revenue
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
, food donation contributes 86.6 per
cent
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 53 million USD.
In addition
Linking Words
, community contributions have 10.4 per
cent
Use synonyms
, followed by
program
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
 with 2.2 per
cent
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Investment
Income
Use synonyms
, Government Grants, and other
income
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 contribute
with
Change preposition
apply
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less than 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each
program
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, only 3 main
sources
Use synonyms
 of Expenditure
income
Use synonyms
based
Verb problem
are based
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 on the data.
Program
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 services give 95.8 per
cent
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Expenditures
Use synonyms
, followed by Fundraising and Management and General respectively. Fundraising's
proportion
Use synonyms
 is 2.6 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Management and General is the lowest
proportion
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
1.6
Correct article usage
a 1.6
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
 contribution.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, revenue, sources, expenditures, program, income, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • charity
  • non-profit organization
  • funds
  • revenue
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising
  • expenditure
  • allocations
  • administrative costs
  • program services
  • beneficiaries
  • financial year
  • breakdown
  • percentage
  • portion
  • sector
  • philanthropy
  • budgeting
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