IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly individuals fail to engage in regular exercise. What factors contribute to this issue, and how can we encourage them to exercise more? How it can be solved?.

Some older
people
Use synonyms
 refuse to do physical activities. In my opinion, it can happen
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation,
awareness
Use synonyms
 of benefits and
also
Linking Words
 limited access to
facilities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be solved through organising community fitness programs for seniors and raising
awareness
Use synonyms
 and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 medical guidance. One of the main factors that contributes to that issue is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation.
Often
Punctuation problem
Often,
show examples
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 after their retirement have no desire to do something
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
(-S) lack of motion.
In addition
Linking Words
, usually average
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 do not know about
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 of laziness. If individuals do not
posses
Use the right word
possess
show examples
 information about
health
Use synonyms
 risks, they will have no
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 TO
Use synonyms
exercisE
Use the right word
exercise
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even if
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 generation wanted to do some activities, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 OFTEN not enough
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 areas, especially in rural areas.
For example
Linking Words
, in
2014
Punctuation problem
2014,
show examples
 scientists conducted research about
correlation
Correct article usage
the correlation
show examples
 between
health
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
 and access to
facilities
Use synonyms
, which showed direct dependence.
Therefore
Linking Words
, society HAS to take action to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 to foster
life
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
problem
Punctuation problem
problem,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should organise
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 programs. Community fitness programs are
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
show examples
 and free way to engage older
people
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by spreading
awareness
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 older groups, IT would help and encourage them to
exercise
Use synonyms
, because
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common
problem
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 just do not know
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 risks.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, if authorities install more
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
street
Correct article usage
the street
show examples
, more
people
Use synonyms
 will do sports.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 China signed
plan
Correct article usage
a plan
show examples
, where they must increase
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 venues
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
by
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 the past fifteen years
life
Use synonyms
 span of
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 citizen
increased
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
 by 4 years.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is very important to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
, because it can boost
life
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, aged
people
Use synonyms
 do NOT do exercises, because they do NOT have enough energy to do that and
also
Linking Words
 do not have access to
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
. We can get rid of
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 by providing more
exercise
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 and spreading
awareness
Use synonyms
. So it would be surprising to see some improvement in
life
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
 and longevity for
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

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overview
Overall band: 5. The ideas are seen but the mistakes and lack of proof hold back a higher score.
task
Task response: answer the question and give view. Add more detail on each point and add one or two more ideas.
structure
Coherence and structure: group ideas in clear paragraphs. Have a short intro and a clear ending that restates your view.
grammar
Grammar and word use: fix mistakes, use simple clear words. Check plural, verbs, and correct spellings.
examples
Examples: add more clear examples to show how ideas work for old people and not rely on one country example.
idea
Some clear ideas are shown, like lack of drive, knowledge of health risks, and need for places to move.
plan
A plan to run programs and raise awareness is seen.
aim
The aim to raise life quality is stated.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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