IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as role models. Is that a positive or negative development?

There is no denying the fact that modern technologies play a vital role in expanding among
people
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and
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, and
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 the vast majority of individuals are concerned about renowned persons.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
this
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 trend has a positive impact on community members, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both
pros
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the pros
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 and cons of
this
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 social phenomenon, followed by my own opinion. On one hand, there are many influencers in various fields around the world, and most of them contribute to enhancing
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people
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people's
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 thinking
,
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. Furthermore
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furthermore
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, they play a crucial role in encouraging their followers to learn new topics, educating them about honesty, charity works and fostering their social bonds.
In other words
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, these famous
people
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 have a large popularity among the
people
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.
However
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, they
also
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 have a considerable responsibility in individuals' ethics and community values.
For instance
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, famous actors, writers and football players most of them provide the population with valuable content and
promote
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encourage
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 them to do an ideal job.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 utilise their massive popularity in the wrong way.
Moreover
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, they harm society's values, norms and religious traditions.
For example
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, some affective
people
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 on social platforms show that some practices may break our principles.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend has
double-edged
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a double-edged
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 sword and depends on usage. In conclusion,
this
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 trend has benefits and drawbacks, but the positives outweigh the negative aspects, because it can help
people
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 in different sectors, and provide them with a highly amount of knowledge. In my opinion, I consider that the government and the authorities should support
this
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 issue,
in addition
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, overseeing the celebrities and protecting the masses.

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task
In the intro, state a clear view and plan the essay. A short thesis helps the reader know your stance.
organization
Each body paragraph should have one main idea and a short example to back it up.
coherence
Use clear link words to join ideas, such as 'also', 'but', 'however'.
coherence
Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that shows the main idea.
grammar
Check basic grammar and word choice. Watch for errors like 'highly amount' and 'affective'.
lexical
Keep simple words. Do not use hard words when they are not needed.
task
Finish with a short restate of your view and a closing idea.
examples
Give one real example for each side, to show more proof.
content
You show both sides of the issue.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
coherence
Link words are used to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • inspire
  • role model
  • positive
  • negative
  • dreams
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • values
  • kindness
  • teamwork
  • behavior
  • focus
  • consequences
  • future
  • example
  • unhealthy
  • lifestyle
  • neglect
  • study
  • goals
What to do next:
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