IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present, the population of some country includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a new
trande
Correct your spelling
trend
 to observe
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
curently
Correct your spelling
currently
 a few
number
Use synonyms
 of countries are trying
increase
Verb problem
to increase
show examples
 their younger population density
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
. Several reasons
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work behind
this
Linking Words
 strategy.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 theory but its benefits are huge. Young generations are the backbone of a nation with full of energy and life. They have high efficiency
of working
Change preposition
at work
show examples
 and
enthugiastic
Correct your spelling
enthusiastic
 towards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, more
tenageer
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 means more generation of economy because most of them are involved with earning
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 the government a
well
Correct word choice
significant
show examples
 amount of tax.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 to
create
Replace the word
creation
show examples
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
work place
Use the right word
workplaces
show examples
 as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they are
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 adaptive in terms of new
technogy
Correct your spelling
technology
, which is a positive thing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 progress. They can bring ideas and incorporate them through
this
Linking Words
 advanced tech.
For example
Linking Words
, Bangladesh is a developing country where more than 55%
propulation
Correct your spelling
population
 are
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and they are bringing new business ideas, where
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 advanced
machiens
Correct your spelling
machines
, and other things
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 involved in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
building nations and leading the nation from the front.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, countries with
more
Correct word choice
a larger
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 population are facing lots of drawbacks.
People
Use synonyms
 after 60 mainly
retair
Correct your spelling
retire
 from their jobs and can not earn money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government has to pay a
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
certain amount
show examples
 of money to them as
subseady
Correct your spelling
subsequently
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there
need
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a good amount of investment
for
Verb problem
needed for
show examples
 their health and treatment.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan is facing a
cricis
Correct your spelling
crisis
 of younger
people
Use synonyms
 because the
number
Use synonyms
 of
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing. The government of Japan says
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 goes
high
Punctuation problem
high,
show examples
 there will be
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
 in their country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
already they are
Correct word order
they are already
show examples
 investing a huge amount of
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 GDP income for those
people
Use synonyms
 who are getting old.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there is always
need a
Correct word order
a need
show examples
 to balance between
people
Use synonyms
 age
ration
Use the right word
ratio
show examples
 for a
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
parcentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation is definitely positive for a nation.

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structure
Make a plan: say your main view at the start, then give two points for and against, and finish with your view.
structure
Each main idea needs a clear opening sentence and a short sentence to explain it.
language
Fix spell and grammar; use simple, common words.
examples
Give one or two clear examples for each point.
cohesion
Use linking words to show flow: First, Also, Then, But, So.
content
The essay tries to show both sides and ends with a view that balance is good.
cohesion
There are words to show contrast like On the other hand.
task response
The finish says balance can help a nation.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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