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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage of patients who were satisfied with four aspects of three hospitals.

The table below shows the percentage of patients who were satisfied with four aspects of three hospitals.
The table presents the results of a survey conducted among patients, measuring the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of satisfaction who rated four aspects of three
hospitals
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 hospital staff, waiting
time
Use synonyms
 ,
quality
Use synonyms
 of
treatment
Use synonyms
 and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
aftercare
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the hospital C almost expressed the highest level of satisfaction across
Use synonyms
hospitals
Fix the agreement mistake
hospital
show examples
 staff and waiting
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the hospital A gained the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
quality
Use synonyms
 of
treatment
Use synonyms
 and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
aftercare
Use synonyms
. The ratings of hospital B were generally lower compared to other
hospitals
Use synonyms
 in all aspects
accept
Use the right word
except
show examples
 waiting
time
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospital A. Focusing on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospital A, the percentages of both
quality
Use synonyms
 of
treatment
Use synonyms
 and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
aftercare
Use synonyms
 were
gained
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the highest results from patients, 85% and 83%, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 waiting
time
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 hospital showed the lowest results among all three
hospitals
Use synonyms
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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 the ratings of
Use synonyms
hospitals
Fix the agreement mistake
hospital
show examples
 workers were moderate with 74%. Moving into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospital B, it showed the lowest percentages in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three aspects of a hospital
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the rating of waiting
time
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher compared to hospital A. When it comes to hospital
c
Fix capitalization
C
show examples
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of hospital staff and waiting
time
Use synonyms
 were
considerable
Replace the word
considerably
show examples
 higher compared to other
hospitals
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 92% and 82%, respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
quality
Use synonyms
 of
treatment
Use synonyms
 and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
aftercare
Use synonyms
 were slightly lower compared to hospital A (84%, 82%).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, hospitals, time, quality, treatment, aftercare with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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