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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that in the future, most cities will become unlivable due to pollution and overcrowding. Others think technological innovation will solve these problems. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some argue that rising
pollution
Use synonyms
 levels and the inevitable growth of urban populations will make
cities
Use synonyms
 less habitable. Meanwhile, others believe that technological improvements will prevent
such
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 problems.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before giving a personal opinion. It is often argued that
pollution
Use synonyms
 and overcrowding significantly contribute to
cities
Use synonyms
 becoming uninhabitable. Nowadays, the majority of people choose to live in metropolitan areas because they provide a more convenient lifestyle and better job opportunities. When the number of people increases, the demand for housing and transportation is more likely to rise.
Consequently
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, urban areas not only become densely populated but
also
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 heavily polluted.
According to
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 a recent survey,
pollution
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 levels in Jakarta have increased by about 10% each year
as a result
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 of reduced green spaces, urban expansion, and greater dependence on private cars.
On the other hand
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, others contend that technological innovation can mitigate these challenges by improving urban efficiency and environmental management. Many technology companies have shifted their focus towards developing sustainable technologies. DHL,
for example
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, has adopted biofuels in its logistics operations as a part of its campaign to reduce carbon emissions. From
this
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 action, the company has successfully lowered its
overall
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 emissions by about 30%.
Such
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 advancements demonstrate how technology reduces urban
pollution
Use synonyms
 levels, thereby helping
cities
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 remain clean and livable in the long term. In conclusion,
while
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 population growth and
pollution
Use synonyms
 may threaten the livability of
cities
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, some suggest that breakthrough technologies can sustain and even enhance urban living conditions. In my view,
although
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 technology can prevent
cities
Use synonyms
 from becoming uninhabitable, people must
also
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 be aware of the importance of living sustainably to ensure long-term urban livability.

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improvement
The essay keeps to the task and shows both sides, but the proof is light. Add more facts or quotes to back up ideas.
improvement
Use clear links between parts. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and use simple linking words.
style
Be careful with long or hard words. Use plain words from common list.
positioning
Clear view at the end shows your own opinion.
structure
Good plan with four parts: intro, two body para, conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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