IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

It is argued that in some nations, employees take the majority of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 at
work
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. The reason
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 happens is
because
Change preposition
that
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 they want to get a
promotion
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a negative development because it causes exhaustion. Many people spend long
hours
Use synonyms
 of their
day
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 to get a
promotion
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. Employees think that working various
hours
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 a
day
Use synonyms
 might get them a
promotion
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. And for them to get one is striving and perseverance, not just working long
hours
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, employees in Saudi Arabia think that the primary reason to get an upgrade is to
work
Use synonyms
 more than 10
hours
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 a
day
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 just to show the management that they are able to handle the amount of
work
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. The negative side of
this
Linking Words
 is that it causes exhaustion. People who
work
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 long
hours
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 a
day
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 get tired easily,
by
Change preposition
due to
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 not getting enough sleep
time
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 or standing
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
very long
time
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 often adds up and
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
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 you very badly, and the most
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 ones are adolescents wich they can not get a comfortable job and would sacrifice
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 health to get a nice and comfy job that they can not afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
this
Linking Words
 age .
For example
Linking Words
, teenagers who have a job might be seen in a hospital for a backache
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
 because standing a long
time
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 just to get a
promotion
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 all of
that is
Linking Words
 for nothing. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 people spend
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 working just to get a
promotion
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, I believe that it is harmful and causes exhaustion.

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task
Make a clear plan. Start with your view in one line, then add two small ideas that support it, and finish with a short final line.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph. Begin each paragraph with a small sentence that tells the reader the point.
language
Fix common errors. Use right word forms and end of words. For example, change 'wich' to 'which'.
language
Use common words. Do not use long hard words. Link ideas with simple words like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'also'.
content
Give more fit examples. Do not only use one country. Compare or say more general reason.
content
There is a clear aim to show long work hours can hurt.
structure
The essay shows a view about the harm and the result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
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