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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, younger people neglecting their voting rights. What problem does this cause and what can be some of the possible solutions.

In recent years, it has become apparent that in some countries, many young
people
Use synonyms
 have neglected their right to vote.
This
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 essay will examine the main causes of
this
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 issue and propose several practical solutions to address it. The first major cause of
this
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 problem is that many
people
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 believe young individuals are not competent enough to participate in crucial political decisions. A second cause is that teenagers are often regarded as emotional and easily influenced individuals.
As a result
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, some adults assume that political decision-making requires rationality and maturity, qualities that young voters are sometimes thought to lack. Looking back more than 1,400 years ago, young Muslims played a crucial role in the success of early Islamic
civilization
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civilisation
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.
However
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, when addressing modern issues like low youth participation in voting, it is important to identify their underlying causes. One major reason is a lack of self-confidence among young
people
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, which affects their ability to engage effectively in civic life.
As a result
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, many young citizens believe they are not competent or experienced enough to contribute to political decisions.
This
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 lack of confidence often stems from negative social environments or psychological barriers developed during upbringing.
Secondly
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, to reduce the excessive emotional reactions and rapid influence among young
people
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, it is necessary to examine the roots of
this
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 problem. One major factor is the impact of technology, particularly social media, which has a tremendous effect on
people
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’s behaviour, especially teenagers.
For instance
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, films and online content can easily shape young viewers’ opinions and attitudes.
Therefore
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, one effective solution is to encourage young
people
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 to limit their time on social media platforms and focus on developing critical thinking skills
instead
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. In conclusion, young individuals are facing several challenges with regard to exercising their right to vote.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 issue can be addressed by creating healthy social environments and limiting the excessive use of social media.

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improvement
Shape your essay with a clear plan: state causes then solutions in each part and keep one big idea per paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with clear connect words (and, but, so, first, also) to show how points go with each other.
development
Give real examples or facts to back each claim, not just broad words.
structure
Remove off topic parts, like the old history line; stay on the main issue.
structure
Finish with a short and clear conclusion that restates the problem and main fix.
content
The essay starts with the topic and keeps it in mind.
structure
There is a basic order of intro, body, and conclusion.
content
The part about social media shows a real issue on youth.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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