IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that artists should be helped by alternative sources such as people, NGOs and Universitirs. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether creative
artists
Use synonyms
 should be funded by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 or other sources.
Although
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 a number of individuals assert that
artists
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 should be helped by local authorities, others insist that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society should
also
Linking Words
 contribute to
support
Use synonyms
 these talented individuals.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before asserting my own viewpoint in favour of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 view. On the one hand, there are
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons why
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should financially assist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the creative talent in their
country
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. First and foremost,
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
,
artists
Use synonyms
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a vital role in
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
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 economy. To be more specific, when many renowned musicians attend concerts in
Correct article usage
a foriegn
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foriegn
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foreign
country
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, they bring
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
 currency
in
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into
show examples
 their nation,
as a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 that money
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support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 in
country
Use synonyms
's economic growth. A good example of
this
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 can be seen in an Indian artist Arijit who
arrange
Correct subject-verb agreement
arranges
show examples
 his music show worldwide, and
earn
Correct subject-verb agreement
earns
show examples
 in dollars and
Use synonyms
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 his
country
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.
Moreover
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, the other major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 supporting
artists
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 by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 is
reputation
Correct article usage
the reputation
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 of a
country
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 many
artists
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 perform at international stages, where they represent their countries globally.
Therefore
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, authorities should provide funds to them to pursue their career. On the other side, those who advocate
universities
Change preposition
for universities
show examples
 and
NGOs
Use synonyms
 should come forward to
support
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 these fresh arts. By helping
artists
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, universities can promote
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of art in their society, and can motivate other students towards art.
For instance
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, when a student
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in their art
career
Punctuation problem
career,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 other students to do so.
Furthermore
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,
NGOs
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 can arrange funds for
artists
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 and
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
, in which they can promote their
NGOs
Use synonyms
, and
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 more donations for
other
Use the right word
the
show examples
 welfare of society.
For example
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, during
concert
Correct article usage
a concert
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 they can advertise their
NGOs
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' name on posters and give
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 speech to
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
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 about helping
other
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others
show examples
 and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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 of
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
. In conclusion, both views have their own merits.
However
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, I believe that
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should show more
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 for creative
artists
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 than
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 sources.

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task
Plan your view in the start. Say what you think in one line.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph. Begin with a line that gives the idea, then add a simple example.
coherence
Use linking words like and, also, but, for example to show how ideas fit.
lexical
Spell the easy words correctly and use only common words.
content
Give clear and short examples that fit the point you make.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences to lower mistakes.
task
The essay tries to cover both sides and ends with a view.
coherence
There is a plan with an intro and a end.
content
Some real life example is used.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • support
  • finance
  • creative
  • artists
  • painters
  • musicians
  • government
  • alternative
  • sources
  • donations
  • struggle
  • living
  • survival
  • culture
  • community
  • involvement
  • funding
  • freedom
  • pressure
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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