IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

financial education should be a mandatory components of the high school program.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, many aspects of life have changed compared to the past, and one of the most influential changes is the rise of
financial
Replace the word
finance
show examples
. Some people think one of
courses
Correct article usage
the courses
show examples
 that should
study
Wrong verb form
be studied
show examples
 in high school is financial education,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree and believe it may waste of time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
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 issue and present my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with benefits of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 subject, students could learn knowledge about
financial
Replace the word
finance
show examples
.
Hence
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,
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 information will help
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in their future.
In other words
Linking Words
, they may face some problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 financial management.
Thus
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, they could solve some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 because they have good information about that.
For example
Linking Words
, if students learn
financial
Correct word choice
about finances
show examples
, they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can control
budget
Correct pronoun usage
their budget
show examples
.
Moreover
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, learning
financial
Replace the word
finance
show examples
 may open wildly domains
such
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 as
business
Use synonyms
 in the future. It is
also
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 possible to say that financial learning
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a business
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business man
Use the right word
businessman
show examples
 or
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
business woman
Use the right word
businesswoman
show examples
.
For instance
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,
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 area is one of
domains
Correct article usage
the domains
show examples
 that learn at schools and universities. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people believe that financial
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not important, because some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will work in
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
so
Fix capitalization
So
show examples
, they do not need
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
financial learning. And they may learn other subjects that help
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of that.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they may learn
control
Verb problem
to control
show examples
 of budget with experience. That means, some skills
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 easy
studying their
Verb problem
to study
show examples
, but they can learn with time. In conclusion, after analysis of
this
Linking Words
 issue and
mentioned to
Wrong verb form
mentioning
show examples
 some positives of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 course. I tend to financial education must be
studying
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school, because everybody
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 that in the future.

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task
Plan your answer. Start with a short general idea, then give your view and then sum up.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example'.
grammar
Check spelling and many grammar mistakes; fix 'defferent','insted','will can' to be clear.
content
Give clear reasons and use one clear example per reason.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a final line that gives your own view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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