IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The discussion is related to
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 topic
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is rarely understood
bydifferent
Correct your spelling
by different
 people. Some governments consider that economic
expansion
Use synonyms
 is
mostly
Rephrase
the most
show examples
 important aim.
However
Linking Words
, many people think that in a country, other kinds of progress have equal importance
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
expansion
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
t
Check wording
apply
show examples
the first point of view, there are many factors
accociates
Correct your spelling
associated
 with economic prosperity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the welfare foundation,
this
Linking Words
 factor relates to the non-economic progress like education, healthcare and infrastructure by giving tax.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is collected after measuring economic progress by GDP.
Secondly
Linking Words
, economic
expansion
Use synonyms
 helps in the reduction of poverty. On top of that, there is global
expansion
Use synonyms
 which helps in the sustainability of the country on an international level and attracts the attention of developed countries
such
Linking Words
 as
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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, Russia and so on. To achieve all these goals, the only possible way is for
authorities
Correct article usage
the authorities
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 must give priority to economic
expansion
Use synonyms
. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, in India, a survey was conducted in 2018-22, which shows that in 2021 GDP value was lower than 5.0 %
as a result
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, India faced different negative crises. Let's discuss the second point of view, many citizens argue that cultural prosperity, environmental
expansion
Use synonyms
, and Social
expansion
Use synonyms
 must have equal importance to economic
expansion
Use synonyms
. Sometimes,
prioritise
Wrong verb form
prioritising
show examples
 economic
expansion
Use synonyms
 over climate
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
can lead to environmental damage.
As a result
Linking Words
, a natural disaster can happen.
Similarly
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, if in a
provincial
Replace the word
province
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, there are no rights and laws for humans , no proper safety system in hospitals ,
as well as
Linking Words
 in the education sector,
this
Linking Words
georgic
Check wording
geography
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 is truly unsuccessful.
To sum up
Linking Words
 above, both statements are valid on their facts.
However
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,
according to
Linking Words
 my perspective, economic
advance
Replace the word
advancement
show examples
 should not be seen as a tool or a goal or
aim
Correct article usage
an aim
show examples
. Because I think, every georgic is like a tower
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 every
expansion
Use synonyms
 factor is like a tile. If one tile is missing, the tower will collapse.

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structure
Plan a clear start. State your view in the intro and keep it to the end in the conclusion.
structure
Use a clear main idea in each paragraph with a topic sentence and a few small details.
language
Link ideas with simple words like: First, also, but, so, then, for this reason.
content
Give more real and full examples that fit the point you make.
grammar
Check grammar and spellings to help the reader get your point.
content
The essay tries to show both sides and adds a personal view.
content
There is some use of ideas like education and health in the talk.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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