IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Inflation is making everything more expensive, from groceries at the supermarket to houses.
Thus
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, it is both common
as well as
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 essential that people, especially the younger generations, save
money
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 for the future in order to secure a fund, be it for medical
emergencies
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 or a down payment to obtain a home down the line in
life
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.
This
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 essay will discuss why I completely agree with
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, because urgent
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 financial
emergencies
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 are unpredictable, it is safer to have a dedicated amount of
money
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 ready for when one arises.
For instance
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,
emergencies
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 related to health or security are a first priority, as both can impact someone’s
life
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 entirely. If, let us say, my appendix bursts and I can’t get immediate medical attention because I lack the
money
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 necessary for a surgery, my health will worsen.
At the end
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, consequences snowball, and a financial issue becomes a health issue.
Secondly
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, obtaining a home now is made difficult
due to
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 inflation. To illustrate, in order to buy a house, one must pay
for
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apply
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a down payment. That amount varies, but usually it is between 200k and 500k Riyal.
This
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 is no small number.
Thus
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, if you have not been saving early in
life
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, early adulthood, as an example, securing
such
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 a large amount of
money
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 at once would take years of hard and constant work. Ultimately, to avoid all the anxiety that comes with getting a home later in
life
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, putting aside a sum of
money
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 will definitely come in handy when needed. 
To conclude
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, collecting
money
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 and keeping it aside at a young age plays an important role in securing a better future, as the need for a fund is inevitable for reasons like medical
emergencies
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, a down payment for a house, and so on.

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development
Add more detail to each point with more clear examples.
coherence
Use simple signals to link the parts, like first, next, also, but.
structure
Follow a clear plan: intro, 2 body parts, short conclusion.
language
Check small mistakes in spelling and grammar.
task response
The view is clear and you answer the prompt.
coherence
You give real life ideas, like the need for a down payment.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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