Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that both
children
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and adults
get
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are
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considerably affected by their surroundings. Some people think that family life has
great
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a great
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influence
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on
children
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's development,
whereas
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others consider that external
influence
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plays a more important role in
children
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's lives.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives and present my opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable how parents shape their
children
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's characteristics.
In other words
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, whatever the parent
do
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does
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or
say
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says
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, whether it is a good or bad behaviour,
children
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are more likely to adopt that thing.
For example
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, if a child sees his father
reads
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reading
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,
then
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he or she is going to grab a book and
starts
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start
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copying their father.
This
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shows that
children
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consciously or unconsciously take their parents as their role models, and
according to
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many recent
research
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studies
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.
On the other hand
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, we can not ignore how kids
influence
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one another. It is possible to say that their peers'
influence
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is no less than
family's
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the family's
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influence
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. Many studies have shown that 78% of
children
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are
effected
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affected
show examples
by each other, especially those who lack family care
in
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at
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home.
For instance
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, when a kid hangs out with a group of students who are very hard working and have high grades, the child can not help but
begins
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begin
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to be like them. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that both of them are significant factors that contribute greatly to forming and
effecting
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affecting
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people's personalities.
Although
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families
paly
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play
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a crucial role in building their sons or
daughters
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daughters'
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characteristics, friends and colleagues
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influence
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apply
show examples
can never be underestimated.

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structure
Make each part have one main idea and give a simple example.
coherence
Use easy linking words to show contrast and tie ideas.
grammar
Use simple grammar and short sentences; check for word form and spelling.
content
If you use numbers, make sure they are true or avoid them.
structure
The 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' form is clear.
content
The writer shows a clear view at the end.
content
There is an attempt to give examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • values
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • moral compass
  • social skills
  • nurturing
  • emotional intelligence
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • socialization
  • perspectives
  • identity
  • peer pressure
  • guidance
  • formal learning
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural factors
  • societal factors
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