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Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.”

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.”
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of three different types of nutrients among meals in the USA. Each chart presents data about a different type of nutrient,like
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and
sugar
Use synonyms
, showing how the proportions vary across different categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the ratio of
sodium
Use synonyms
 is higher in
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 a small amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 was added in lunch. In terms of
sodium
Use synonyms
, the largest portion is represented by
breakfast
Use synonyms
 , almost 43% for
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and 29% for lunch
meanwhile
Punctuation problem
. Meanwhile
show examples
, the concentration of
sodium
Use synonyms
 was in a similar ratio, both in
dinner
Use synonyms
 and snacks, that was 14%. A similar pattern can be observed in the saturated fat chart, where the quantity of saturated fat remains dominant
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
dinner
Correct article usage
the dinner
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 meal occupies a relatively smaller share. For the third chart, where
sugar
Use synonyms
 is added, almost 19%
sugar
Use synonyms
 is used in lunch and 16% in
dinner
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the highest concentration of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is consumed in snacks that
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 unhealthy. In general, the data suggest that unhealthy nutrients are mainly consumed at
dinner
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat are consumed at
breakfast
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, breakfast, dinner with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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