IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In recent years, there has been considerable debate about
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 everywhere in our lives.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that competing with
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is a boon, others argue that collaborating more
work
Use synonyms
instead
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, is beneficial. Personally, I believe both views have merits
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I lean towards working together because it boosts productivity and efficiency. Supporters of competitions argue that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 competing with peers at
work
Use synonyms
, school and even in daily lives has an advantage. They believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the competitive spirit helps them to motivate
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
gets
Verb problem
pays
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paidoff
Correct your spelling
off
.
For example
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, many companies
appreciates
Correct subject-verb agreement
appreciate
show examples
 their employees by selecting a person to be an employee of the month
along with
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 incentives.
Therefore
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, the other
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 will try harder to showcase their talent to win next time.
Additionlly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
this
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 encourages people to maintain consistency and
will power
Use the right word
willpower
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, advocates of
collabrative
Correct your spelling
collaborative
 working
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that working as a group can be profitable in idea generating,
problem
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
-
Punctuation problem
,
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solving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and shared accountability.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
show examples
 teams can divide
tasks
Punctuation problem
tasks,
show examples
allows
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 them to accomplish goals faster.
Team
Use the right word
Teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 not only helps in developing skills and knowledge, but
also
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enchances
Correct your spelling
enhances
 communication and social skills.
For instance
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, there was a thesis presentation in
y
Correct your spelling
my
 university, where I selected a group research,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 helped our project to finish on time
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as developing much more new ideas.
At the end
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,
joint
Correct article usage
the joint
show examples
 effort resulted in increased efficiency and creativity. In conclusion,
alothough
Correct your spelling
although
 both perspectives have valid
arguments
Punctuation problem
arguments,
show examples
 I believe that group
collabration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 has more pros.
While
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competiing
Correct your spelling
competition
emphasizes
Change the spelling
emphasises
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consistency and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
,
team
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 highlights
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 greater sense of morale.
Overall
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, a combination of both
approches
Correct your spelling
approaches
 would be most beneficial in our
day to day
Use the right word
day-to-day
show examples
 lives to strengthen our skills.

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grammar
Fix many small spell and grammar mistakes that make ideas hard to read.
coherence
Use simple and clear linking words to join ideas smoothly (e.g., However, In addition, On the other hand).
content
Give two or three clear examples that fit each idea.
structure
Make your main idea clear in the first sentence of each paragraph.
task response
Keep your view clear and explain why you side with one side.
content
The essay shows a clear view and tries to cover both sides.
content
There is an example at work life with 'employee of the month' idea.
structure
The ending shows your own view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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