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Writing Samples
Band 7

the diagram below shows the average of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.

the diagram below shows the average of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.
The bar chart illustrates the average weekly time spent on unpaid domestic tasks,
such
Linking Words
 as childcare and gardening, by married
men
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 and
women
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 in three different categories
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 those without
children
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, those with one or two
children
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 and those with three or more
children
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.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 married
women
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 spent considerably more time on unpaid
work
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 than married
men
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 in all groups.
Furthermore
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, the number of
children
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 in a household was the dominant factor in increasing the hours of unpaid
work
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 for both genders. Looking at the categories in more detail,
women
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 without
children
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 spent approximately 30 hours per week on unpaid
work
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, which was roughly double the figure for
men
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. In households with one or two
children
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, the amount of unpaid
work
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 surged for
women
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 about double times, rising around 50 for
women
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 and
men
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 the same
spot
Check wording
amount
show examples
 as
withot
Correct your spelling
without
children
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. The difference became more pronounced in families with three or more
children
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.
Here
Punctuation problem
Here,
show examples
 married
women
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 spend the highest amount of time,
deddicating
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dedicating
 approximately 60 hours per week.
While
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men
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 in
this
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 group saw an increase, their figures remained significantly lower than
women
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's, at just
under20
Correct your spelling
under 20
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, children, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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