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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two maps illustrate the evolution of a zoo in Australia from 1960 and at present.

The two maps illustrate the evolution of a zoo in Australia from 1960 and at present.
The double maps compare the development of a zoo in Australia between 1960 and
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now.
Overall
Linking Words
, these maps consist of the number of changes over the years. Namely, the cable car and ferry
added
Verb problem
were added
show examples
 as a new facility to improve the entertainment for
both
Use synonyms
 children and adults.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the entrance
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 constructed on
both
Use synonyms
 sides at present. In 1960, African and Australian
animals
Use synonyms
located
Wrong verb form
were relocated
show examples
 to the West, which
have
Verb problem
includes
show examples
 chimpanzees and
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 range of birds. There were
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
notable three
Correct word order
three notable
show examples
 picnic areas
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the East side.
Then
Linking Words
, the small gift shop
installed
Verb problem
was installed
show examples
 to the South,
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the picnic area. The seal
show
Check wording
apply
show examples
is depicted adjacent to the harbour
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the North side. By now,
both
Use synonyms
 Australian
animals
Use synonyms
 and three picnic areas have
been stayed
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 unchanged,
instead
Linking Words
 of African
animals
Use synonyms
, wild
animals
Use synonyms
 have been introduced to the West.
Then
Linking Words
, the seal show has been relocated next to the African
animals
Use synonyms
 to the South.
In addition
Linking Words
, the small gift shop has been converted into
contemporary
Correct article usage
a contemporary
show examples
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
. The double entrances
Linking Words
also have
Correct word order
have also
show examples
 been added to
the
Correct word order
both the
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 North and South sides, which enhanced the people’s accessibility. The cable car and ferry have been developed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the location of
harbour
Correct article usage
the harbour
show examples
 has been altered to the West side

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words both, animals with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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