IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is through education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

Certainly, some claim that the most effective way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 is
education
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I tend to agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. I concede
education
Use synonyms
 cannot solve any problems by itself, and perhaps the most obvious one is that some
people
Use synonyms
 with higher
education
Use synonyms
 still commit crimes. When
people
Use synonyms
 act out of inner desires, they are typically driven by greed, in turn leading them to do some bad things. What
can do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 makes it extremely detrimental.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 involved in
organized
Change the spelling
organised
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
, who already have a relatively high level of
education
Use synonyms
, tend to
trend
Verb problem
be
show examples
 driven by power or other motives, resulting in
education
Use synonyms
 having almost no impact on them.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 arguably pushes them towards
crime
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
education
Use synonyms
 is the best way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
. One reason is that
education
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 can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find a job. Teachers,
for instance
Linking Words
, have acquired a lot of professional knowledge through
education
Use synonyms
. As
such
Linking Words
, they can obtain stable jobs by teaching students, which usually means they have
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 income to support themselves. Another is that
education
Use synonyms
 can enable them to have correct values. If students learn the right ideas in their school, they can learn some important values, like respect and responsibility, and
this
Linking Words
 potentially helps young
people
Use synonyms
 establish strong principles, which is incredibly helpful for their life choices.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 alone cannot solve all problems, I feel that
education
Use synonyms
 is the most effective way to reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.

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content
Explain more how each idea can cut crime and be shown in life, not only what it is. Try to link each point to a result, like how edu helps job and keeps people away from crime.
structure
Use clear topic sentences. Start each paragraph with a short line that states the idea you will talk about.
content
Add more examples from real life or studies. This helps show how education can lower crime.
grammar
Make long sentences shorter. Use simple, short clauses.
idea
The essay shows a clear view and a plan to back it up.
content
Two good ideas are given: work and values, to lower crime.
critical
You admit that education may not fix all problems, which is fair.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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