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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in 2016.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in 2016.
These two
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 show the resources of
revenue
Use synonyms
 and expenses.
Overall
Linking Words
, total
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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larger
Correct article usage
a larger
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 amount than total expenditures: the
program
Use synonyms
 can be fully covered by the resources.
Also
Linking Words
, most
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources are covered
by
Change preposition
apply
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by donated food, the
program
Use synonyms
 services are related to
program
Use synonyms
 services
on the other hand
Linking Words
.
According to
Linking Words
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources, donated food is taking about 90% in sources- the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 proportion of the chart. The rest of the amounts
is consisted
Wrong verb form
consist
show examples
 of community contributions by 10.4%,
program
Use synonyms
revenue
Use synonyms
 by 2.2%, investment income and government grants by 0.2%, and 0.4% for other income.
Therefore
Linking Words
, total resources
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 $53,561,580. In the chart of expenditures, the largest contributors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the cost is taken by
program
Use synonyms
 services, 95.8%.
This
Linking Words
 amount means it is contributed
most total
Correct word choice
to the largest
show examples
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
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. Fundraising and management
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 general make up the rest by 2.6% and 1.6% each. To
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 the costs of
expense
Correct article usage
the expense
show examples
 is $53,224,896.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, program with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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