IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today's rapidly changing world, there is an ongoing debate about
saving
Correct word choice
whether saving
show examples
 money for the future is a crucial act. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view as I believe that saving at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 age helps to plan the retirement
life
Use synonyms
 better
while
Linking Words
 investing some
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 vital purposes. One of the significant
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 is depositing an amount from the income that will favour an individual even
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any immediate
life
Use synonyms
-saving
sitiuations
Correct your spelling
situations
. A survey taken by a medical insurance company in India demonstrates, people
invested
Correct pronoun usage
who invested
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their health insurance
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 more benefits at the right time to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their health conditions.
Consequently
Linking Words
, saving money can lead
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 to have a
stressfree
Use the right word
stress-free
show examples
life
Use synonyms
balancing
Punctuation problem
, balancing
show examples
 both physically and emotionally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the second compelling reason why I agree is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind can have a well-planned retirement
life
Use synonyms
, without depending on their loved ones for living. If a person has sufficient savings, they can discontinue the pressurised jobs and just focus on their passion or hobby.
For instance
Linking Words
, many software professionals in India, particularly in the southern
part
Punctuation problem
part,
show examples
 are quitting the profession at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age to pursue agriculture as their passion for happiness.
This
Linking Words
 act can reduce burnout
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 not only benefits them but
also
Linking Words
 upholds the significance of agriculture. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 investing money for oneself is the key to a balanced
life
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 alternative viewpoints
exists
Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
show examples
, the evidence of perfect
life
Use synonyms
 planning strongly validates my agreement with the statement.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the government of the nation promotes saving by introducing pension schemes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
You take a clear view, but you should show both sides more. Give more clear ideas and real facts to back up your points.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a simple topic sentence and end with a link to your view.
grammar
Fix spelling and grammar. Watch for wrong word form, plural form, and small errors like sitiuations and stressfree.
content
Use one or two numbers or facts to show the point about saving and life choices.
coherence
Use easy linking words to guide the reader, like First, Also, Therefore, However.
strength
The writer shows a clear view and makes an easy read.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion which frame the answer.
ideas
Ideas about saving and how it can help in life are present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: