IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Globalisation has both advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as better communication with other
countries
Use synonyms
, growth of business
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
, moreover
show examples
 significant ways to cure diseases and sharing knowledge in every field of life.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 it has negative effects like
salaries
Fix the agreement mistake
salary
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 in various
countries
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as
losing
Verb problem
a loss of
show examples
 interest in own culture and tradition
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 rate of illegal trade.
According to
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 point of view, globalisation plays
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
show examples
 role
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 better relations with foreign
people
Use synonyms
 through communication.
According to
Linking Words
 BBC
news
Fix capitalization
News
show examples
, in recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 almost 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Change preposition
of business
show examples
business men
Use the right word
businessmen
show examples
 from Asia
move
Wrong verb form
have moved
show examples
 to Europe for business work.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 most of them got married
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 way scientists from different
countries
Use synonyms
 have
share
Replace the word
shared
show examples
 knowledge to find
vaccine
Correct article usage
a vaccine
show examples
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 crucial diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, heart attack
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in early
2019
Punctuation problem
2019,
show examples
 there was
dangerous
Correct article usage
a dangerous
show examples
 virus
expanded
Verb problem
that spread
show examples
 around the world. Because of it
Punctuation problem
, From
show examples
From
Change preposition
according to
show examples
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 world survey,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
claim
Correct subject-verb agreement
claims
show examples
 that almost 8 million
people
Use synonyms
 died.
At the
Linking Words
end
Punctuation problem
end,
show examples
 scientists found
vaccine
Correct article usage
a vaccine
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are huge disadvantages
is
Use the right word
in
show examples
pay
Correct article usage
the pay
show examples
 rate problem in digital
countries
Use synonyms
. Particularly
some
Punctuation problem
, some
show examples
 companies in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 take
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
show examples
 from poor
countries
Use synonyms
. Frequently,
It
Verb problem
it has
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 on average salaries in the developed
countries
Use synonyms
. Recently,
STAT
Correct article usage
the STAT
show examples
 company
almost
Verb problem
has taken almost
show examples
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
10 thousand employees from poor
countries
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. after
show examples
after
Change preposition
As
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
matter
Check wording
result
show examples
 government face many
problems
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, specially
show examples
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of jobs
Punctuation problem
. Furthermore
show examples
Linking Words
furthermore
Punctuation problem
furthermore,
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
protest
Wrong verb form
have protested
show examples
 against it.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 lost their interest in their culture and
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
.
Now-a-days
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
Asian
Punctuation problem
, Asian
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are following
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
 culture
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as eating different foods, wearing their clothes. In my opinion,
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us to develop better
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 with each other. I am certain we would grow
relationship
Correct article usage
a relationship
show examples
 with each
also
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 way
we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 can solve these
problems
Use synonyms
 by applying strict rules,
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 implementation
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us to reduce the causes of social
problems
Use synonyms
 in our
countries
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to add more real facts and clear proof for each idea. Why is a point true? Give one good example per idea.
coherence
Make every paragraph start with a clear idea line. End with a small sentence that links to the next idea.
grammar
Fix big grammar and spelling. Use basic word order in sentences like subject + verb + object.
content
Check numbers and facts. Do not mix different ideas. Use only one idea per sentence.
task response
Keep your view at the end. State your opinion clearly and briefly in the last line.
content
You do give both sides of the topic.
structure
You state your view at the end.
coherence
Some good links between ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • world
  • trade
  • job
  • money
  • grow
  • help
  • hurt
  • good
  • bad
  • easy
  • hard
  • new
  • old
  • many
  • few
  • some
  • all
  • people
  • country
  • life
  • work
  • plan
  • rule
  • law
  • idea
  • think
  • say
  • use
  • make
  • know
  • there
  • here
  • this
  • that
  • time
  • year
  • place
  • more
  • less
  • also
  • but
  • and
  • because
  • how
  • why
  • which
What to do next:
Look at other essays: