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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of people using public transport and that of people using private cars in five Australian cities between 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of people using public transport and that of people using private cars in five Australian cities between 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts illustrate the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 using public transport and that of
people
Use synonyms
 using private cars in several Australian cities from 2000 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 using transportation in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was the highest,
while
Linking Words
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 city
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 significantly and
final
Replace the word
finally
show examples
 over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Sydney
Use synonyms
 city during
this
Linking Words
 decade.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 using their own car in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 was the largest, followed by Perth
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 had the second greatest data, and Melbourne and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had the smallest figure. In 2000, the
population
Check wording
proportion
show examples
 of using public transportation in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 stood at around 20%, it had the highest in the
first,
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 it increased
sightly
Use the right word
slightly
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
 period. In
this
Linking Words
 similar trend, Melbourne and Perth, and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 remained stable.
In addition
Linking Words
, the data of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 was the
lowest
Punctuation problem
lowest,
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 approximately 5%.
However
Linking Words
, the figure of
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 experienced a
dramatically rose
Replace the word
dramatic rise
show examples
, from 15% to around 30%. Looking more
clear
Replace the word
clearly
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the percentage of the public driving private cars,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 showed a different trend in
this
Linking Words
 data, it had the largest record and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 gradually from 70% to 90%.
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Perth observed a regular stable,
with accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 50% and 60% respectively in the final.
Whereas
Linking Words
 Melbourne and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had a moderate
fructuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
, they took up around 20% and 30% respectively in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sydney, brisbane, adelaide with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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