IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high schools and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Students
Use synonyms
 are encouraged to work or travel for a year after completing intermediate
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as before taking lectures in universities. In my point of view, either
students
Use synonyms
 can enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 specific
time
Use synonyms
 by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to foreign countries or do
proficient
Correct article usage
a proficient
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 in a specific company.
By traveling
Change preposition
Travelling
show examples
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reduce stress
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it is beneficial for mental and physical health.
According to
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 point of view, after attempting
exam
Correct article usage
the exam
show examples
 of high school
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to go abroad for holidays
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work there. They get many benefits by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to amazing places
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, good mental health, to get away from stress.
According to
Linking Words
 BBC News, many foreign
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
specially
Rephrase
especially
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
 go to
Northern
Correct article usage
the Northern
show examples
area's
Check wording
areas
show examples
 of Pakistan after completing
12
Correct your spelling
12th
 standard to enjoy
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. In Northern areas, there are
mesmerizing
Change the spelling
mesmerising
show examples
 places to visit with giant mountains, stunning blue lakes and thrilling roads
totally
Punctuation problem
, totally
show examples
adventures
Replace the word
adventurous
show examples
 for them.
This
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a
beautyful
Correct your spelling
beautiful
 memory of their life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they eat traditional delicious foods their which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very crispy and tastier.
Similarly
Linking Words
, some pupils prefer to get
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they gain experience which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them in their
further
Linking Words
 career.
According to
Linking Words
 Tokyo Newspapers, Roger
freger
Fix capitalization
Freger
show examples
 is a famous personality in past
when
Punctuation problem
. When
show examples
 he graduated from
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
 he found a
job
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 was the first step to his success. Now, he
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a successful person
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 he is proficient in trading.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, after spending one year
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 lost the momentum in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
,
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 lazy and
unable
Verb problem
were unable
show examples
 to focus. In the recent survey,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 claimed that almost 40 thousands student
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 lazy because they just spent their
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scrolling and using social media. To pen down all
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 mentioned above, I would conclude that
students
Use synonyms
 must enjoy some
time
Use synonyms
 to travel
amazing
Change preposition
to amazing
show examples
 places to reduce stress and maintain their health.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 they should try to gain some knowledge which
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 them from
laziness
Wrong verb form
being lazy
show examples
 and
momentum
Verb problem
maintaining momentum
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

overall
Plan your ideas before you write. Have two points for the pro side and two for the con side, and say your own view at the end.
coherence
Make each idea go in one new paragraph. Use a clear start sentence and a link to the next idea.
coherence
Use easy link words like also, but, so, and then to join ideas.
task
For each idea use a small detail or example so the reader can see it.
language
Check small grammar mistakes and spell simple words correctly.
general
The writer tries to show both sides and ends with a closing view.
content
Some real places and events are named to show travel ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: