Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It’s widely believed that

women

Use synonyms

should concentrate on raising

children

Use synonyms

and less on their work, because they are better at childcare than men. Especially,

such

Linking Words

a statement is widespread in Muslim countries. I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

belief. Analysing the statistics on divorces when

women

Use synonyms

remain alone with

children

Use synonyms

without a career, and sufficient money,

as well as

Linking Words

the character of relationships of

fathers

Use synonyms

with

Use synonyms

children

Punctuation problem

children,

show examples

proves it.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the analysis of divorce statistics illustrates that

women

Use synonyms

who focus on family and growing

children

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

remain without a proper career and enough money.

Such

Linking Words

a picture is observed in developed countries, where the sum of alimony is extremely low, and most men hide their earnings from the law.

Linking Words

While

Change preposition

Women

show examples

women

Use synonyms

who can continue their jobs after childbirth feel better and confident in their relationships. That’s why

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

there is no need for

women

Use synonyms

to be engaged only with family issues

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

and miss job opportunities.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the character of the father-child relationship in Muslim countries is distant, because

fathers

Use synonyms

join the upbringing much later.

This

Linking Words

impacts the family dynamic and

children

Use synonyms

’s confidence. Those families, in which

fathers

Use synonyms

take a part in raising

children

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

taking paternity leave, spending more time with their

children

Use synonyms

, are more stable and satisfied with each other.

For instance

Linking Words

, Mark Zuckerberg took a holiday in order to assist her wife after her childbirth.

Thus

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

becomes apparent that

women

Use synonyms

are not obliged to focus only on raising

children

Use synonyms

;

this

Linking Words

is obligatory for both parents. To summarise, focusing

women

Use synonyms

only on raising

children

Use synonyms

cannot be beneficial for them because they can remain without a career and money in cases of divorce.

Also

Linking Words

, the inclusion of

fathers

Use synonyms

in the upbringing process can be favourable for

children

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

and the family as a whole.

aigulia0105

Oct 24, 2025

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task response

Make your main view clear in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.

coherence

Each paragraph should have one main idea and use simple links to the next idea.

evidence

Give more good examples that fit the topic and can be checked.

grammar

Use simple, short sentences and check grammar mistakes.

stance

You show a clear view on the topic.

organization

You use links to join some ideas.

structure

Your intro and final idea are present.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

primary caregivers
biological factors
maternal instincts
nurturing
workforce
career growth
income equality
family dynamics
shared responsibility
gender stereotypes
economic disparities
traditional roles
modern family
active roles in childcare
opportunity and support

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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is bette to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

Levels of depression and antisocial behavior in children have increased dramatically in modern societies. This situation has led many people to believe that childhood itself is in crisis. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than local when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion (Chi Vu)