nowadays many young people became famous. it is positive or negative development

In recent years, an increasing number of young individuals have gained public recognition through social networks. Some critics argue that
this
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trend offers considerable advantages,
such
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as generating income and achieving popularity.
While
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I acknowledge these benefits, I only partly agree with
this
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viewpoint, as I firmly believe that it
also
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leads to serious consequences, including substance abuse and the loss of personal privacy.
Therefore
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, I regard
this
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as a predominantly negative development. Undoubtedly, achieving fame at a young age brings considerable financial benefits. When young individuals gain public attention through social media or entertainment, they often attract sponsorships, advertising deals, and brand collaborations.
For example
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, Justin Bieber, a Canadian pop singer, rose to international fame through YouTube and generated substantial income from his music and endorsements, enabling him to enjoy a higher standard of living at an early age.
However
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,
such
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sudden wealth can
also
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result in poor financial management and lead to destructive behaviours, including substance abuse, as young celebrities may struggle to cope with fame and pressure without proper guidance.
Consequently
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, Bieber’s early exposure to immense wealth and lack of financial discipline led to drug addiction and severe health problems, temporarily damaging his career and public image.

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task response
The essay answers the task but does not end with a clear final line. Add a short closing that restates your view.
coherence
Use clear start for each paragraph. A short topic sentence helps.
coherence
Give more balanced view. Add another idea for pro and con.
coherence
Use linking words like also, but, for example to make flow easy.
strength
The view is clear and the sample fits the topic.
strength
The example of a famous person fits the idea and makes the point easy to see.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • rapid advancement
  • instant communication
  • online shopping
  • fast food delivery
  • social media platforms
  • immediate feedback
  • recognition and validation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • decreased patience
  • delayed gratification
  • realistic expectations
  • work ethic
  • unrealistic expectations
  • stress
  • dissatisfaction
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