IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 line graph illustrates information on the numbers of participants for serval activities at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club
the
Verb problem
has the
show examples
 highest number of participants,
while
Linking Words
amateur
Correct article usage
the amateur
show examples
 the lowest. All of martial arts , table tennis and musical performances show
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant changes in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 period. First of all, the
film
Use synonyms
 clip is the highest activity in
Correct article usage
the center
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 the
film
Use synonyms
 club was around 63,
while
Linking Words
 the martial arts
about
Verb problem
was about
show examples
 36.
Then
Linking Words
 the
film
Use synonyms
 club shows a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 decrease and
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
 approximately 60. After 2010 shows a significant
increase
Use synonyms
 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the highest point, around 65.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 the other hand, material arts
Use synonyms
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 after 2005 until 2010 and in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
was achieved
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 around 38.
Secondly
Linking Words
, table tennis at the beginning doesn’t show any significant changes, but after 2010 shows a sharp
increase
Use synonyms
 and
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 above 50. Amateur dramatics shows a light
increase
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 after 2005 shows a
steeply
Replace the word
steep
show examples
 fall. Musical performances
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 in 2005 and
Shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a moderate
increase
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words film, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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